


Meant to Be

by RestlessCancer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Cussing, F/M, Family, Family Issues, Family Secrets, Feels, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-12 01:39:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5649013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RestlessCancer/pseuds/RestlessCancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my alteration of Harry Potter, focusing on what if Severus was suspected to be Harry's biological father and he took on caring for him? Also shipping Severus and Sirius as noted in relationships. This also examines what I think Severus's life might look  like outside of teaching classes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Severus Snape is in a Difficult Situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made some edits and do hope it reads better now

Severus Snape has by far found his worst situation.

“Enlighten me as to why you are prohibiting a father from taking his child in and instead placing said child in the care of the most obscene muggles.” Severus demands as Dumbledore  takes the baby from his arms.

“Because he is not safe in our world. Do you wish to see a headstone with his name upon it to match your beloved’s?” Dumbledore responds, cradling the child in his arms while tucking a note in a fold of the blanket swaddling the little one.

“You know I wish no such thing, but how is he to remain safe under the care of powerless shrewd muggles?” Severus questions.

“The muggles are such unappealing sorts to Voldemort that he will never set foot in muggle territory to seek out the boy.”  Dumbledore reminds him.

“Albus, can you not understand the position I am in?” Severus challenges, clearly grieved by the separation the Headmaster is enforcing.

“If the need should arise for magical protection such will be given to him, but it cannot be with you. The boy must never know the truth until Voldemort has been destroyed once and for all.”

“What reason allows you to force me to live without my child under my protection and care?”

“You are Voldemort’s favorite and you must continue to be so. I know you want him gone and the sooner you can help us end him, the sooner you and your son can be reunited.”

“And what am I to do when he comes to Hogwarts, pretend like he bears no relation to me and he is nothing but another mistaught student I must correct?” Severus interrogates.

“Exactly. Pretend he isn’t yours but just another student.” Albus answers.

“How can you expect such extreme requirements of me on my own son?”

“The very way that I am now.”

“Can I at least hold him before I’m forced to give him up?” Severus pleads, his voice breaking and tears forming to spill like fire down his cheeks.

“I see no reason to deprive you of a proper goodbye..” Dumbledore allows, letting Severus take Harry into his arms.

Severus lets his tears fall freely down his cheeks as he looks at the heart-shaped baby face of the child who will never remember who his real father is- not until it’s too late. Harry looks up at him, cooing. Severus smiles weakly and continues to cry as he watches the baby he’d never seen before now. Harry starts to cry as Dumbledore attempts to take the child, recoiling as he realizes how much the child needs his father.

“Shh, baby, I’m here.” Severus reassures the infant.

“Well, perhaps an exception can be made.” Dumbledore interjects.

“What?” Severus questions, clearly befuddled.

“Since all death eaters will be hiding out, I see no reason why you and your son can’t hide together until Voldemort calls upon you.” Dumbledore explains.

“But, what about his godfather, my husband?”

“I can do nothing for him since it is too soon after the incident. However, if he should manage to escape Azkaban, I cannot see how the three of you couldn’t be reunited.”

“But no one has ever escaped Azkaban.” Severus points out, finally managing to soothe his baby boy.

“Severus, what do you know of Animagi and Dementors?”

“I consider myself well versed on both.”

“But did you know that an Animagus in their animal form can go undetected by a Dementor?” Dumbledore inquires, encouraging Severus to take his robes so they may apparate to Severus’s home.

“I have always suspected that to be a myth, Headmaster.” Severus admits, hesitating to apparate.

“Come, Severus, take my robes.” Dumbledore encourages.

“But is it safe for my baby?” Severus questions.

“Harry will be just fine, I promise.”

Severus gently holds Harry to his chest and takes Dumbledore’s robes. They apparate away from the Dursleys’ and end up outside the front door to his rather high-end three story home. The door opens, a rather pleasantly disposed house elf in much fancier garb than most house elves- for they bear the true mark of their position, tattered rags- greets them.

“Welcome home, Master Snape.” the female house elf says, bowing a bit.

“Thank you, Belle. I appreciate your service.” Severus acknowledges, carrying Harry to the living room.

“Master Snape, may I speak?” Belle asks, starting a fire in the hearth.

“You may.” He allows, gesturing for Albus to take a seat.

“I am glad to see that Master Snape has brought his baby home instead of leaving him in the care of muggles.” Belle comments.

“As am I. Thank you, Belle.”

“Shall I start a pot of tea, Master?”

“Yes, please, Belle.” Severus answers, settling into his plush couch with Harry gently held in his arms.

“Thank you, Master.” Belle responds, giving a small bow and taking her leave to prepare the tea.

“Severus, what drove you to become a Death Eater?” Albus inquires after a few moments of silence.

“Fear. I fear very little, Albus, but a wizard so ruthless- he killed my beloved and attempted to murder my child, but thankfully failed…. I cannot be unafraid. If I hadn’t followed, far worse would have befallen.” Severus admits.

“If I may prod your mind, what would have come to happen?” Albus wonders.

“Sirius would have been killed as well. Lord Voldemort threatened that everything I loved would be destroyed before my eyes should I refuse to follow him. He said that I was a most valuable asset and if he did not possess me then no one would.”

“What did he mean by the most valuable asset?”

“He said, ever since he met me, that I was the Half-Blood Prince.” Severus explains as Belle comes back with the tea.

“Severus, had you never heard that before?” Albus asks, taking a cup of tea from Belle and thanking her.

“My mother, before she was killed, had always called me her little prince but I figured that was just an affectionate term.” Severus answers.

“The truth is Severus, you are a Prince and Voldemort was right. You, like your son now both have a destiny to fulfill.” He explains.

“Destiny? My newborn son has a destiny?”

“Yes. I have seen the prophecy.”

“And what is the prophecy?”

“That there are many trials he will face and no one knows the ultimate outcome.” Albus

elaborates.

“Lies. Albus, you know something you are choosing to conceal.” Severus accuses, carefully maintaining his calm demeanor so as not to alarm his baby boy.

“I do in fact know more than I am sharing because it is for the best.” Albus advises, setting his tea cup down and rising from his seat in an armchair.

“And when shall I become privy to the ins and outs?” Severus wonders as Harry starts to fuss.

“In time. For now, cherish the love and bond that you’ve begun to form with him.” Albus says, apparating.

“Sshh, my little one.” Severus soothes, unswaddling his baby boy. “Headmaster was only teasing. Let’s get you ready for bed, baby.”

“Shall I prepare his things for you and turn back his sheets?” Belle asks.

“Please do prepare his things, but he shall sleep with me.” Severus answers.

Severus carries the infant to upstairs to his room. Belle has already laid out Harry’s pajamas, the baby wipes, and a clean diaper in addition to Severus’ usual night clothes. Harry whines as Severus lays him down on the bed and undresses him.

“Shh, baby, Daddy will have you ready for bed in no time.” Severus comforts, changing Harry’s diaper and dressing him for bed. “Belle, sweet girl!”

“Yes, Master Snape?” Belle responds, awaiting her orders.

“Please make a bottle for my little one.” Severus instructs, laying Harry closer to the middle of the bed.

“Yes, Master. Thank you.” Belle accepts leaving and going downstairs to complete the task.

“Master Snape, a visitor has come.” Yasmin, one of the male house elves in basic loose-fitting robes, alerts.

“What was their name?” Severus inquires, taking Harry into his arms.

“They wished not to give it, Master. They fear if their name be spoken they will be taken.” Yasmin reports. “They did say to tell you, ‘love is love, even in the shadows.’ Does this mean anything to Master Snape?”

“Yes, yes it does. Please ensure he is at home here until I come down to the parlor.” Severus confirms, laying Harry back down and changing into his nightclothes quickly.

“Yes, Master. I shall.” Yasmin accepts, taking leave to greet the guest.

Severus holds Harry to his chest, quickly heading down the stairs, tears welling up in his eyes. He enters the parlor and stays there.

“Severus?” The man says turning around, looking into Severus’ eyes.

“Sirius…” Severus breathes.

Sirius rushes towards Severus, being careful not to squish his godson. Severus kisses him deeply, his tears staining Sirius’s unshaven face. Sirius pulls back, breathless and at ease. He caresses Severus’s face and nuzzles his godson’s cheek.

“You remembered.” Sirius smiles, the lines on his face now more prominent and the dark circles under his eyes are accentuated.

“How can I forget when you’re the only other person to show me any kindness…” Severus poses, cradling Harry in his arms.

“Master, here is the little one’s bottle.” Belle notifies him, holding it out with the softest cotton towel as the burp rag.

“Thank you, Belle. Please place it on the table there.” Severus requests and Belle obeys with a small curtsey. “Belle.”

“Yes, Master Snape.” Belle answers.

“There is a fair advance tucked under your pillow in your quarters. Please go tomorrow during the day and pick out a new dress and matching stockings, shoes, and ribbons. I prefer my servants to look their best and your dress is far too dingy from your hard work.” Severus instructs, swaying with his baby in his arms and his husband wrapping his arms around his lover’s waist.

“Thank you, Master Snape.” Belle responds, bowing deep.

“Thank you, my darling girl. Take a nice soak in the tub tonight. You’ve earned it. You may call me by my first name if you so desire.” Severus praises her.

“Thank you so much, Master Severus.” Belle accepts with teary eyes.

“Come, give me a hug my darling. You’re practically my daughter.”  Severus encourages, squatting down to her level.

Belle timidly approaches and hugs her master.

“Come, darling, I know you can hug better than that.” Severus tells her.

She, carefully avoiding Harry, hugs Severus tightly and cries in gratitude. She pulls back and sniffs a bit.

“That’s my girl. Now, go relax and dream up what lovely little dress you wish to have so you may seek it out tomorrow.” Severus says, sending her off after kissing the back of her hand.

She timidly curtseys and takes leave to do as she is told. Severus stands up and turns back to Sirius.

“With a heart so lovely, I cannot believe that you have been trapped by such terrible group.” Sirius confesses.

“I’d rather feign being their pet than lose you and my son. I thought I lost him once before and you as well, but I haven’t so I will play the pawn until it’s all over.” Severus points out.

Harry fusses, managing to re-capture their attention.

“Would you like to feed him?” Severus asks, looking to Sirius.

“I would very much love to have the honor.” Sirius answers, settling in on the couch with Harry’s bottle and towel before Severus hands him the infant.

Sirius tips the bottle into Harry’s mouth and watches the little one nurse. Severus cuddles up to his husband enjoying the warmth of having him back at home.

“I don’t remember the last time I said it, but I love you, Sirius Black.” Severus whispers, kissing Sirius’s cheek.

“I do, it was right before I found out Peter was responsible for leading Lord Voldemort to your son and beloved and my friend.” Sirius answers sadly. “Right before you became a Death Eater to save us.”

“I suppose I forgot on purpose. After all, I have come to find that He intends harm upon my son and may challenge me to be the one to inflict it.” Severus responds, more grieved than before. “If it’s the last thing I do, I will ensure that He dies.”

“Severus, don’t put yourself in harm’s way. I will never forgive you if you abandon this child and leave me to be a widower.”

“I’ve been in harm’s way since the day I was born and I will die in its way. I’ve never had a place until I found you and Lilly, and had my son. I am not willing to give it up so easily. I’ll play the pawn for Voldemort and turn to be the Knight he’s always feared.”

“You truly are the Half-Blood Prince. Your child is only a half-blood and you, you are fighting for him. Only a Prince would dare to challenge such a foe and still have room for love and family, for morals, in his heart.” Sirius commends, sitting Harry up and rubbing his back to help get out any air bubbles that may have crept down to his stomach.

“I am no legend. I am simply a shadow shading the ones I love from the hurt that may otherwise fall on them.” Severus disagrees, letting the tears stream down his face.

“No, you will be the greatest legend ever told. My love, you are more than you believe.” Sirius assures him.

Harry burps and whines, unable to see either of them. Sirius turns the child in his arms to face Severus. Harry cries and screeches, looking to Severus to hold him.

“You’re okay, baby. Come to daddy.” Severus comforts, taking Harry in his arms.

“Harry’s telling you it’s true as well.” Sirius argues.

“He’s just tired. We should have been in bed a long time ago, though I’m glad we weren’t or I might’ve missed you.” Severus disagrees gently. “You’re just tired aren’t you, baby?”

Harry cries and clings to Severus.

“Are you coming to bed?” Severus wonders aloud to Sirius.

“No, my love, I cannot stay and risk leading the dementors here should they pick up on my trail.” Sirius tells him, getting up to leave. “I will only love you more and that is why I must go.”

“Love is love even in the shadows.” Severus says, swallowing hard to try and choke back the tears.

“As long as you remember you shall find me.” Sirius breathes, leaning in towards Severus.

“How can I forget?” Severus breathes back, closing the gap and kissing Sirius with all the passion his weary heart can muster for the night.

“I can’t wait until you can kiss me like that every night.” Sirius smiles softly, caressing Severus’s face. “Until then, we shall hide and find each other in the shadows. I love you and our baby boy as well, of course.”

“I love you too and I know he loves you.” Severus barely whispers, his voice cracking.

Harry cries louder and hiccups as Sirius backs away and is walked to the door by Yasmin. Severus allows his tears to flow freely as he rocks back and forth with his baby held to his chest.

“Master Snape?” the youngest house elf, a male named Rainy, timidly speaks up.

“Yes, Rainy?” Severus sniffles, swallowing his tears.

“Is Master Snape okay?” Rainy asks, clasping his hands timidly in front of him.

“No, Rainy, but it is alright. None of you are to blame.” Severus answers, kissing the top of Harry’s head and gently resting his cheek on the infant’s head.

“Can Rainy do anything to help Master Snape feel okay?”

“I suppose there is.”

“Anything, Master Snape. Rainy will do anything.”

“Come upstairs with us and sing some of the folk songs you’ve learned for us to fall asleep to. Then I want you to sleep on the lounge with the throw and the pillow there and awake me by no earlier than mid-morning.” Severus instructs, rising from his spot on the couch.

“Yes, Master Snape. Rainy would love to sing for Master and his baby.” Rainy agrees, bowing deeply.

“Rainy, I have one more task that you must complete correctly the first time you do it.” Severus alerts the young house elf.

“Anything, Master.” Rainy accepts as Severus squats down to the house elf’s level.

“You must give your poor caregiver a decent hug before we go upstairs to bed.” Severus commands, shifting Harry to one side.

“Yes, Master. Rainy is honored to be given such privilege.” Rainy thanks him, giving him a careful, but warm and loving hug.

“There’s my boy.” Severus appreciates, kissing Rainy’s forehead. “Let us go up the stairs and retire. My poor baby is beyond tired.”

Harry sniffles and hiccups, resting his head against his father’s chest. Severus takes Rainy’s hand and goes upstairs. He settles into bed with Harry close to his heart, a wall of pillows preventing the infant from discovering the edge of the bed, and pulls the covers up just enough to create a warm caccoon just below Harry’s chin. Rainy begins to sing an Irish folk song, putting his heart into it until he is sure Severus and baby Harry are sound asleep.


	2. Where We Find Severus Combining Work and Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most of the general chapter summaries will be given through the title of the chapter.

“To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my nature. I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart.” - Charles Dickens

Severus finishes setting up his chambers with Harry’s things, the little darling fast asleep on his daddy’s bed. Snape tilts his head to one side and thinks. What if Harry isn’t actually his? What if Harry is only attached to him because he was the first to hold the infant after his parents were murdered?  What if Voldemort discovers Harry is in his care? All these questions are pushed aside as Harry cries, tears streaming down his little face. Severus reacts quickly- being careful to mind his handling of the fragile little one.

“Oh, shhh, daddy’s here. No tears now.” Severus whispers softly, running his fingers through the baby’s hair.

Severus sways until the infant calms, it won’t be much longer before breakfast and then he will have to teach the first years. The question is how to keep them from having anything to do with Harry… He could hide Harry in his office…. He doesn’t care much for that option- too much distance and what if he couldn’t hear his baby boy cry? The only other option is to have Harry right there with him in the bassinette. After calming Harry down, Severus changes the infant’s diaper and sits in the rocking chair waiting for Rainy and Belle to bring breakfast and a bottle for Harry.

 

            As the clock hit 8 am and chimed, Rainy and Belle brought in the things for breakfast. A rosemary scone, eggs, and strawberries for Severus and a bottle for Harry with a burp rag delicately folded beside it. Severus thanks them and starts to feed Harry, who actually fights his breakfast- something the little one had never done before.

 

“Harry, why won’t you eat for daddy?” Severus questions.

 

Just then, a knock comes on the door to his rooms. Severus quickly lays Harry in his crib and puts an invisibility charm over the baby’s things and activates a spell to act as a sound proof bubble around the crying infant.

“Come in.” Snape lazily drawls, taking a sip of his tea.

 

“Severus.” a familiar voice greets- Lucius Malfoy, of course.

 

“Lucius.” Snape returns with a look of distaste. “And what… pleasure… do I owe to this visit?”

 

“Just pure pleasure in knowing the Dark Lord is still- for the most part- alive. He is eager to see you serve him and to see if you can serve him better than Peter, the traitorous rat.” Lucius informs him.

 

“I shall do as he instructs but he has not instructed anything other than infiltrating the order… which… I might add is as good as done.” Snape replies dryly, acting entirely bored and annoyed by the entire conversation as he flicks a few strands of hair from his face. “Anything else, Lucius?”

 

“Actually, yes, Severus. Not only has Sirius Black been sought out for the murder of Peter Pettigrew as well as Lily and James Potter,” Lucius answers, spitting the Potters’ names with plenty of contempt and venom. “But he has also been captured by the Dementors and locked away in Azkaban.”

 

Severus quickly works to mask his shock and grief into a careful façade of surprise and less-than-mild amusement.

“Why so surprised, Severus?” Lucius asks, fiddling with one of his colleague’s potions texts-  a much loved copy of a first year’s potions handbook.

“I expected it to take much longer to catch the now infamous Black.” Snape drawls in a carefully measured voice while his throat seems to close in on itself. “They say that a smart Animagus can stay out of a Dementor’s sights forever should said Animagus realize that his or her alternate form of an animal will not betray them for the human they truly are.”

“Well, I believe that his imprisonment is proof that Black is nothing more than an imbecile and a mongrel.” Lucius responds with a smirk.

“Perhaps.”

“Well, I suppose I should be on my way. My wife is taking Draco to his healer for a routine physical today.” Lucius informs his fellow Death Eater and taking his leave.

Once Severus is sure Lucius is far away. He unenchants the baby items and Harry’s crib, only to find his ‘sound proof’ spell worked brilliantly since the Potions professor only just begins to hear the heartbreaking cries of his son. Severus quickly, but of course gently as well, takes Harry into his arms and soothes the frightened infant.

“Oh, Harry, what in the universe am I to do about them?” Severus sighs, settling into his armchair and attempting to give the little one his bottle. “Will you eat for daddy now?”

In response, Harry latches onto the nipple of the bottle and nurses hungrily until Severus takes the bottle away-much to little Harry’s dismay- just long enough to burp his son. Once Harry burps a bit, Severus allows him the rest of the bottle before burping him once more and wiping the drool from his adorable little face.

“Such a good boy, drinking all of your bottle for daddy.” Severus praises, kissing Harry’s forehead. “Rest now, we have a big day ahead of us and you’ll be the favorite in my classes, I’m sure.”

With that, Severus grabs a pacifier for his little one, gently inserting it in Harry’s tiny mouth, and rocks the baby, his baby, to sleep while humming a lullaby the headmaster had sung for him upon taking the much abused and unloved child into his care.


	3. Someday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter reflects on Severus's past and shows some of the things that lead to the seemingly bitter Potions Master at Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the notes at the end for the artist and song titles of the songs Dumbledore sings to Severus

“Father's hands are lined with guilt For tearing us apart Guess it turned out in the end Just look at where we are We made it out We still got clothing on our backs And now I scream about it How it's so bad, it's so bad It's so bad, it's so bad It's too bad, it's too bad Too late, so wrong, so long” –Nickelback, “Too Bad”

A horribly thin little boy of about four sits curled up in a cupboard farthest from his parent’s bedroom. He has dark eyes, pale skin, and filthy black hair. He sobs into his tattered and mismatched rags of clothing, soiled from a fear induced accident, as the shouts of his father grow louder and things are smashed.

Then silence.

In alarm, the little boy stifles his sobs, covering his mouth and holding his breath. He can hear his mother crying and shouting angrily back at his father, who is storming out of the seemingly derelict house. As his father slams the door, he can hear his mother running back to the hallway to his room. In his fear, he stays balled up on the floor but finally daring to breathe shaky, painful gasps of air.

“Sevie!” His mother shouts in panic, afraid of what might have become of her darling baby boy.

The young boy makes no move. He does not want to see what his father has done to her this time, nor what of their few possessions he’s destroyed in his most recent rage. After a few more minutes, his mother opens the door to the cupboard and drops to her knees. She pets his greasy black hair and pulls him into her arms, carrying him to the bathroom and cleaning him up. He shakes through it all until his mother has him dressed and tucked into bed.

“I’m so sorry, my little Prince. Your father’s just… in a rough spot.” His mother soothed, her hand petting his hair again. “I wish you only the sweetest dreams, Severus.”

With that she got up from his bed and went to leave, pausing to turn the light off before shutting the door behind her. He laid there, limp and empty. He couldn’t understand why his father was always so angry and mean and why his mother was always sad and hurt. He tried not to think of the bruising on her face or the hand prints on her body. His mother had told him she knew magic and would show him some of the things she could. Once, she even told him that magic could protect too, but that couldn’t be true because it never protected her… The little boy’s head spun so much that he hadn’t even noticed when he finally fell asleep, nightmares and images of what his father looked like when he was in a rage.

A young Severus Snape sat beneath a gigantic tree with a young girl, Lily Evans. Both were about 8 years old.

_"Severus, I feel different around you..." Lily said, catching a floating daisy in her hand as she watched the water of the lake in front of them._

_"I feel different around you too..." Severus admitted. "Is it a bad different?"_

 

_"No... I feel like I'm not a freak like my sister says I am..." She confessed, smiling shyly at the black hair and pale-skinned boy beside her._

_"That's because you're not a freak... You're special- magical." Severus replied, his heart racing._

_"So are you!" Lily said, kissing his cheek and turning away quickly as she questioned her action._

_"Can... May I kiss your cheek?" Severus asked shyly._

_"Only if you mean it..." Lily answered in a quiet and very serious voice._

_"I mean it..." Severus breathed and leaned in to kiss her cheek, finding her turning so that he kissed her lips. "I liked that..."_

_"I did too..." Lily agreed, a rosy blush alighting her face._

 

Three years passed and a letter came. It was a very beautiful letter and sealed with an insignia pressed into deep red candle wax, though the letter could never be as beautiful as Lily Evans. His mother looked heartbroken and proud all at the same time. She read it with him and explained how she had gone there for her schooling and that’s how she knew all the magical things that she had shown him. He ran to tell Lily, who had the same idea and the two expressed their excitement about going to the school designed just for people like them, who were gifted. Or as Severus liked to call it, special, like Lily. But when Severus talked to his mother about it later that evening, his heart sank into his stomach acid- they didn’t have the money and she had already sent an owl to the headmaster about her inability to afford to send him. That night Severus snuck out to the lake near their little town of Spinner’s End. Once he got to the old and looming oak, he found he wasn’t the only one needing to escape.

“Lily…” Severus called, feeling uncertain- usually she only came to that part of the lake if he was already there.

“Sev?” She called, her voice full of tears.

“Yes, Lily?” He replied as he approached and sat down next to her.

“What are you doing here so late? Is your father back?” Lily asked, sniffling and knowing that he often came to the tree by the lake when his father was on a rampage at home.

“No… I just needed to think about what Mother told me…” Severus answered. “But why are you here this late?”

“Petunia.” Lily sniffed, wiping her tears, which shone in the moonlight like little pearls.

Severus instantly understood. Petunia did everything to assure that Lily felt like a freak and seemed intent on making sure her sister suffered as much as possible. The girls’ parents were ecstatic and proud but that only made Petunia hate her more.

“You look like someone just told your father’s going to handcuff you to him.” Lily observed as she lays in the grass with her friend and holds his hand in a platonic but warm way.

“Mother might as well have…” Severus murmured, looking at the stars before concentrating really hard until an Easter Lily appeared in his hand, which he tucked behind her ear. “Mother said that father refuses to give us money to pay for my enrollment and supplies so I can’t go. She already wrote the Headmaster.”

“I bet my parents would help… They really like you, Sev and they would understand.” Lily suggested, looking over at him lying to her left.

“I could never ask that of them or you… I would just work for the money, but Mother says I’m not old enough for anyone to hire me.” He responded, frowning slightly.

A couple days later, Severus was playing with Lily down by the lake when his mother’s voice frantically called her Little Prince back to the house. Severus apologized to Lily, hugging her before running back home as fast as his small body would carry him. At the house, Severus stopped cold inside the door as he saw a figure he’s never encountered before. His mother had a foreign look on her face as she cried.

“Mother?” Severus wondered, carefully watching the man in the sky blue robes with the makings of a silvery beard.

“Sevie, this is Headmaster Dumbledore.” His mother explained, guiding him to stand in front of the stranger with her hands on his shoulders. “He’s the one who sent your letter of acceptance.”

“Hello, Severus.” The man, now known as Headmaster Dumbledore, greeted with a small but very warm smile and a twinkle in his eyes. “I just told your mother the good news.”

“Good news, sir?” Severus questioned, not understanding what news the man could have for his broken family that would be any sort of good.

“Yes, Severus. You’re coming to Hogwarts.” Dumbledore answered.

“But, sir, my family is too poor to afford the things I would need to attend…” Severus pointed out, not understanding the situation.

“Well, young sir, it just so happens that I have taken special interest in your talents as a future wizard and have devised a scholarship that will take care of acquiring all the items you will need for your schooling with us.” Dumbledore explained, winking at the eleven year old.

“Really?” Severus asked, beaming up at his new benefactor.

“I cannot lie, not about such things as a child’s future.” Dumbledore assured, watching the child in patched clothing smile brilliantly.

“But... Mother, what about Father? Won’t he be angry?” Severus questioned, looking more worried than an eleven year old should be able to.

“I’ll talk to him and you’re going whether he likes it or not.” His mother insisted. “Now go have a look at your room, the Headmaster has left a surprise for you!”

Upon entering his room, Severus found all the things his letter had said he would need and his own owl, which was a Great Horned Owl. In addition to his school robes, Severus had attained a brand new wardrobe of gently used clothing and new clothing. The Headmaster had followed Severus, along with his mother, and was standing in the doorway when Severus looked back. Once Severus saw the Headmaster, he gave him his most genuine and brilliant smile as he ran up and hugged the man responsible for brightening his retched life.

**_“_ ** **_Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember_ ** **_the people we used to be. It's even harder to picture that you're not here next to me…And in our time that you wasted, all of our bridges burned down”_ ** **–Maroon 5, “Payphone”**

A few months later, Lily and Severus had started their studies at Hogwarts. Much to Severus’s dismay, Lily has become more and more separated from him. It all started when the sorting hat had placed him in Slytherin and her in Gryffindor. The classes they had together were few and far between and Lily had begun making other friends- friends that didn’t want her having anything to do with a boy who looked sickly pale and had greasy hair. The boys his age seemed to adopt a similar attitude towards him, calling him horrible nicknames like “Snivellous Snake.” His books were tipped out of his hands, he would be teased for the rare accidents that he had at night when he had nightmares of his father, and shoved around as if he were just an obstacle.

One day, Severus had been picked on for wetting himself in Potions when one of the other students had added too much of an ingredient to their cauldron and caused a small explosion. Upon hearing the sound, Snape had ducked, like every other student, but also had found his bladder betraying him. He had never fully outgrown the reaction since his father had been beating him more and much rougher. After James Potter and his lot had mercilessly teased the abused and tormented young boy with raven black hair, he had run out of the classroom and hid just around the corner from the enchanted stairwell that led to the Headmaster’s office. He was startled by a familiar and kind voice a few minutes later.

“Severus, dear boy, whatever are you doing over here? Why aren’t you in Potions?” Dumbledore inquired, helping the teary-eyed boy to his feet and noticing the darkened area on the boy’s trousers. “Ah. I see… Well, let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?”

With that, the Headmaster held Severus’s hand and began to escort the young boy to the Slytherin dormitories for the first years, but not before class had let out. Severus hung his head in shame and tightened his grip on Dumbledore’s hand, receiving a reassuring squeeze as they continued to walk. After Severus had cleaned himself up, Dumbledore motioned to the boy to sit on the bed next him.

“You know, Severus, I had always wished to have a child of my own.” The Headmaster confessed, putting an arm around Severus. “Would you like to know a secret, dear boy?”

Severus simply nodded as he sniffled while Dumbledore summoned a warm wash cloth and began wiping the tween’s face with gentle, loving care.

“I offered a scholarship to you because, out of all the students that have come here, I feel a particular bond to you. Your mother had told me of your home life when I came that day to inquire more about why you wouldn’t be attending Hogwarts for Magic studies. Now, I do not consider myself what some would refer to as a bleeding heart, but I do believe mine broke upon hearing your story. Eileen Prince, your mother, was one of our best and brightest and even had a love and understanding of Muggles like your father. Unfortunately, she overlooked the fact that not all Muggles are kind and warm-hearted.” Dumbledore confided. “Therefore, my boy, I was wondering if you would like to study with me and perhaps move into the spare room in my personal chambers?”

Severus simply stared up at the kind man beside him in awe that he would offer a boy like him, a Mud-blood as some of his meaner classmates would call him, such an honor.

“But, sir, why me?” Severus questions, looking troubled. “I’m not special and I’m probably the most hated student in my year… I’m the most pathetic child- I… I- I still have accidents…”

“Severus, you have developed an unhealthy and inaccurate portrayal of yourself and I wish to correct it before it poisons you. You are a brilliant young man in the making and you can’t even see as much. And as this excursion proves, I am well aware of your accidents, but what you haven’t been told is that it is perfectly normal that you have an accident after all the bad things that have happened to you.” The Headmaster explained. “Now, I would like an answer, young sir, as to whether I can have your things relocated to my chambers or not, if you would be so kind.”

“Yes, please, Headmaster.” Severus sniffles, starting to cry again.

“Then it’s settled. I will have the house elves relocate your things and will retrieve you after your final class to show you where your new quarters lie.” Dumbledore declares, taking his handkerchief out and wiping Severus’s face once again. “I must admit, when I made my visit to your home and you hugged me, it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. Lemon drop?”

Severus gratefully accepts the candy the Headmaster produces from his robes and smiles up at him.

“Shall I escort you to your next class, hm?’ Dumbledore asks, chuckling as Severus vigorously nods his head.

**_“Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” –_ ** **Oscar Wilde**

That evening, Dumbledore had retrieved Severus as promised and lead the tween to his personal chambers consisting of two bedrooms with attached bathrooms, a sitting area with a library and a fireplace, and a small kitchenette. The Headmaster showed the child around the chambers, leaving the bedroom that had been made up for Severus for last.

“Severus, it is time to get ready for sleep. So I shall return to say goodnight in, let’s say, 10 minutes.” Dumbledore informed him, to which the boy nods before his benefactor exited the room and closed the door.

Severus dug out a pair of pajamas, gray with the school colors lining the hems, changed into them and sat on his bed, watching the lamp on the bedside table as its flame waved about within the confines of the glass. After the ten minutes had passed, Dumbledore knocked on the door.

“Come in, sir.” Severus called, smiling as his Headmaster entered.

“Would you like me to tuck you in, my dear boy?” Dumbledore inquired.

Severus blushed a brilliant rosy red and nodded. Dumbledore obliged as the young boy got up, turning down the covers, waiting for Severus to climb in, and tucking the child in. He then started to dim the lamp, leaving just enough light for the two to make out one another.

“Now, Severus, I would like to share with you something my lovely mother did for me when I was your age. Would you like me to share it with you?” Dumbledore asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Severus quickly nodded his head.

“Good lad. I think you’ll like this.” Dumbledore assured him, clearing his throat.

After a moment, the Headmaster began to hum and then to the boy’s pleasant surprise, sing in a soft and warm voice that reminded Severus of laying in the sun by the lake near Spinner’s End.

“She walked by the ocean  
And waited for a star  
To carry her away

Feelin' so small  
At the bottom of the world  
Lookin' up to God

She tries to take deep breaths  
To smell the salty sea  
As it moves over her feet.” Dumbledore sang, noticing the child’s eyelids growing heavy.

Severus rubbed his eyes and yawned a bit before tucking his arms back under the covers and pulling them up to his chin.

“The water pulls so strong  
And no one is around  
And the moon is looking down

Sayin', "Rosie, come with me  
Close your eyes and dream"

The big ships are rollin'  
And lightin' up the night  
And she calls out but they just her pass by

The waves are crashin'  
But not making a sound  
Just mouthin' along

Sayin', "Rosie, come with me  
Close your eyes and dream  
Close your eyes and dream  
Close your eyes and dream." Dumbledore sang softly.

Severus had fallen asleep before the Wizard had even finished. Albus Dumbledore smiled his famous eye-twinkling smile while caressing the child’s cheek and turned the lamp all the way off. He tip-toed out of the room, leaving the door open just a crack and turned into his own bedroom to rest.

After a while, Severus Snape began to dream. No, scratch that, he began to have a nightmare. He had come home to find his mother beaten worse than he had ever seen before and his father was looming over her. He called out to his mother, but his father began to beat him. As Severus tried to call out still, his father yelled at him to shut up and take it like a man as he smashed his child’s head against the floor. His mother was calling his name as he tried to break free and then his father started shaking him.

Severus awoke, thoroughly disturbed and in tears, all while feeling very damp as he looked to see his Headmaster sitting on the edge of his bed and the lamp lit once again.

“I’m so sorry, Headmaster!” Severus sobbed, starting to curl into himself.

“There, there, my boy.” Albus Dumbledore soothed, rubbing his charge’s back. “Let’s get you in the tub.”

Severus nodded, still feeling horrible. All the same, he let the Headmaster take him into the bathroom and help him strip out of his soggy clothing and climb into the tub full of warm water and soothing bath salts.

“I am going to change the sheets and grab some clean clothes for you while you wash up.” Albus informed him.

The child nodded, finally subdued to sniffles, and Albus left the bathroom. Dumbledore did in fact change the boy’s sheets with the help of magic, naturally, and did collect a clean pair of pajamas for him. But, before returning and after glancing to his clock to see the time was about 4 a.m., Dumbledore went to the fireplace and, using floo powder, took a trip to see Madame Pompfrey. He explained the situation and left with a small bag before Severus could finish washing his body. The Headmaster went into the bathroom and helped Severus dry off and led the towel-clad boy back into the bedroom.

“Now, I hope you’ll forgive me for this, young one, but I did consult Madame Pompfrey, our healer, about your accidents and she has given me a very simple solution.” Dumbledore explains. “Would you like to know what she suggested?”

Severus, though clearly worried and nervous, nodded anyway, so Albus pulled out an item from the bag he brought back from the Hospital Wing. All the items were the same, truth be told, and gazing upon the solution, Severus felt his insides drop. They were training pants- or pull ups as the Muggles called them- decorated with wands, broomsticks, and snitches. Dumbledore, being keen and observant, noticed the boy’s reaction with sympathy. Poppy (Madame Pompfrey) had forewarned him that most children his age would definitely not be keen on the last resort Severus was now given.

“I know, not what you had hoped for but as Madame Pompfrey pointed out when I spoke to her, it is better than diapers.” Albus sympathized. “Would you be so kind as to give them a try?”

Severus looked near-heartbroken but nodded.

“Would you like me to step out or would you like some help?” Dumbledore offered.

“Help…” Severous answered in a very small voice.

This was the first time his accidents had really been addressed. At home, Severus hid his bladder betrayals and washed his own laundry, telling his mother that he wanted to help out, when really he didn’t want her to know he was wetting himself and the bed still. He felt like a very small child again as Albus helped him into the training pants and dressed him. So much so that poor Severus hadn’t noticed that his thumb had drifted towards his mouth and was being smothered in saliva.

“Thank you, Severus, for humoring me.” Dumbledore thanked, pulling Severus onto his lap.

Severus blushes, more so at the sound of his pajamas rubbing against his training pants than being put on the Wizard’s lap. The tween was exhausted and found himself snuggling up to his Headmaster with his thumb still in his mouth as Dumbledore began to sing a different song than the first time.

“Your stitches are all out But your scars are healing wrong  
And the helium balloon inside your room has come undone  
And it's pushing up at the ceiling  
And the flickering lights, it cannot get beyond.” Dumbledore sang in a voice like velvet, starting to rock the child in his arms the way he used to rock his sister to sleep.

“Everyone takes turns, now it's yours to play the part  
And they're sitting all around you holding copies of your chart  
And the misery inside their eyes is synchronized and reflecting it to yours

Hold on, one more time with feeling  
Try it again, breathing's just a rhythm  
Say it in your mind until you know that the words are right  
This is why we fight

You thought by now you'd be so much better than you are  
You thought by now they'd see that you had come so far  
And the pride inside their eyes would  
Synchronize into a love you've never know  
So much more than you've been shown.” Dumbledore finished the song.

He took a look at the boy sleeping in his arms, curled up with his thumb in his mouth. Albus smiled fondly as he carefully tucked the child in, remembering Ariana being the same way, even when she was Severus’s age and even for a few years beyond. He wasn’t going to let Severus fall away. The boy needed family, the kind that actually took care of him and nurtured all his potential. Yes, Albus was going to father this child, even if it meant treating him much younger than he was when they were alone in the Headmaster’s chambers to reverse some of the damage done over the past eleven years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first song is "Rosie's Lullaby" by Norah Jones and the second is "One More Time With Feeling" by Regina Spektor


	4. The Plight of the Songbird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Chapter on Severus's youth

**_“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” – Oscar Wilde_ **

Albus Dumbledore tip-toed his way into his charge’s room, finding Severus in much the same position as when he had been tucked in the previous night. The Headmaster pulled the covers down gently and checked the young boy’s training pants, finding them to be wet. Madam Pomfrey had certainly made the right call in how to handle the tween’s issue and Albus thanked Merlin for that. In an effort to let the child sleep in, Albus carefully rotated him and went about changing the wizard-to-be into a pair of clean training pants and robes. The veteran Wizard found himself done with the task within ten minutes as he glanced at the clock on the night stand, reading 6 a.m. The Headmaster tucked Severus back into bed and went about his tasks. Morning classes wouldn’t start until 8 o’clock sharp and he had already planned for Severus to have breakfast within the chambers so Dumbledore saw no problem with letting the child get more sleep- especially after the nightmares he experienced earlier. During his morning tasks, the Headmaster received an urgent owl from the ministry. He stared at the letter for a while before turning his attention to Fawkes for a few minutes. Around 7.30, Albus re-entered Severus’s room and sat on the edge of the large bed.

“Severus, my dear boy, it is time to wake up.” Albus said, rubbing the boy’s back.

Severus whined a bit, his thumb still in his mouth. Albus chuckled a bit, seeing that he really would do well to ‘baby’ the child a bit before pushing him to mature.

“I’m afraid it’s so, little one.” He assures him, still rubbing his back. “Please do wake up so we can enjoy breakfast together. There’s a few things we need to discuss, I’m afraid.”

After a few more minutes of patience, Severus rubbed the sleep from his eyes with his free hand, actually sucking his thumb a bit until he realized what he was doing. He pulled his thumb out and dried it on the sheets before sitting up, smiling at his Headmaster with a deep crimson blush that would make the reddest of roses jealous.

“Fret not, Severus, I won’t tell a soul. If it’s a comfort to you when going to sleep, I encourage it for the time being, at least until we can rid you of your bad dreams.” Albus promised, taking the boy onto his lap and embracing him. “And you may call me anything you like- within reason. For example, should you desire, you may call me by my first name, Albus.”

Severus hugged the man in return and thought about the Wizard’s offer before settling on his preferred terms.

“May I call you Albus around others, and Papa when it’s just us?” Severus inquired, his blush stretching down to his neck and over to his ears.

“Hmmm…” Dumbledore mused. “I think that would be wonderful, Severus.”

“You can call me Sevie, if you like. Mother does.” Severus offered.

“I may take you up on that. For now, let us go have breakfast. I took the liberty of getting you dressed for the day and packing your bag while you slept.” Albus informed his adoptive son.

“Thank you, Papa…” Severus replied in a soft voice, sliding off Dumbledore’s lap and noticing the same sound from last night with horror.

“I see that you have noticed that you are still in training pants. I assure you that I do not do this to torment you but to prevent torment should another incident occur where your bladder panics without your permission.”

“But… what if I… well, have an accident in them?”

“I have already thought of that and a couple of clean pairs are tucked into the innermost pocket of your bag and all you will have to do is switch pairs.” Albus answered.

“Papa, what if they pants me and see? I’ll be teased even more- especially if James finds out and then Lily will never even look at me again…” Severus worried, tears preemptively pouring from his eyes.

“Now, now, I doubt they will pants you but even if they do, they will see your regular underpants, unless they attempt to pull those down with your trousers. In any case, all students know there is zero tolerance policy when it comes to bullying and James is already in two days detention for his remarks in potions the other morning.” Albus curbed, standing and picking Severus up, carrying him like a toddler as he soothed the young boy. “Now, we have much bigger matters to discuss.”

With that, Dumbledore and his newly adopted son ate breakfast together quietly. After breakfast, the Headmaster cleared his throat and looked to the boy who had taken to calling him Papa.

“Severus, I have a few things that I wish to discuss with you and I have already informed your professors that you will likely be absent for today and likely a few days following.” Albus informed with a sigh. “The first is in regards to your parents. I received an owl this morning…”

“Did Mother ask about me?” Severus asked, hopeful to hear something from his mother since he hadn’t yet had the time to send his own owl, Amaryllis, to her.

“Actually, little one, it was about her… Your dear mother has left the realm of the living, I’m afraid.” Albus corrected, a sympathetic look on his face. “Your father killed her in a rage about how she had sent you to Hogwarts. And since there is no next of kin, you are currently without a true family.”

Severus, knowing he had no one left at that point, got up and crawled onto his newly deemed Papa’s lap and proceeded to sob until he was shaking. All the while, his Papa simply held him and rocked him.

“Severus, the Ministry is trying to find a guardian for you.” Dumbledore told him, using a handkerchief to wipe the boy’s tears away. “I talked with the Head of the Ministry and, if you so choose, they will allow me to assume full guardianship over you.”

“I wanna… stay… with Papa!” Severus sniffled, clinging to his preferred guardian.

“I will tell them then. Now, there is one last thing I must discuss with you. It is another suggestion of Madam Pomfrey’s.” Albus continued.

“What… Papa?” Severus wondered aloud.

“Madam Pomfrey suggested that, in order to help you get away from all the pain and fear of your life with your father that, while you’re in my care, I should do some measure of ‘babying’ with you.” Albus explained.

“What’s… that mean?”

“Well, I would have much stricter rules and schedules for you. You would be treated significantly younger than you are for some period of time.”

“Younger?” Severus questioned with a sniffle as he looked up at his guardian.

“Yes, little one. Things that she suggested were coming up with a bedtime routine and having you wear your training pants all the time until all accidents have stopped.” Albus elaborated. “What do you think of that?”

“I think it would be okay, Papa…” Severus admitted, secretly feeling rather curious and somewhat excited to see what his newly appointed guardian would do.

“I am glad. Now, we shall get you into some pajamas for today. In light of your loss and all, we shall have a few days to ourselves before attending your mother’s funeral. Today, we will start getting you used to the temporary lifestyle that Madam Pomfrey has suggested.” Albus informed, starting to get up until an owl flies in through the open window next to the fireplace.

Albus removed the note from the owl’s beak and read through the note. It’s from Minerva McGonagall. She had sent an owl, already aware of his position of looking after the newly orphaned Slytherin, to tell him that Lily Evans and a young boy named Sirius Black, both in her house, were requesting to see Severus, both claiming to be friends of his. Albus set the note aside and thought for a moment before addressing his young charge.

“I think it will be best to wait a bit on changing into your pajamas. A couple of students have requested a visit.” Albus alerted the boy, sitting him up and summoning another damp washcloth to wipe his face with. “They should be knocking on the door shortly, accompanied by Professor McGonagall.”

“Papa, I don’t have friends here… I used to have a friend back at Spinner’s End, but not here…” Severus sniffled, looking up at his guardian with worry.

“Albus!” A thickly Scottish accented voice called from outside the main door.

Severus quickly slipped off his Papa’s lap and stood behind the chair he sat in. Dumbledore chuckled a bit, taking the boy’s hand and pulling him to stand next the chair, continuing to hold the damaged tween’s hand.

“Do enter, Minerva.” Albus responded.

Minerva opened the door and ushered Lily Evans and Sirius Black in until they were only a couple feet away from the Headmaster and Severus.

“Hi, Sev!” Lily greeted, hugging her friendly tightly.

“Hello, Lily…” He mumbled, hugging her back and breathing her wonderful berry scent in- he knew it was her shampoo.

The two friends stopped hugging, though Severus kept contact by holding her hand.

“Well, I must be getting back before the students get into trouble with the parakeets that we are transfiguring today.” Minerva excused herself before leaving the chambers, shutting the door behind her.

“Hello, Severus… My name’s Sirius, Sirius Black.” The young boy with dark, wavy hair introduced himself. “I came to say that I’m sorry for what James has been doing and what he said the other day… I told him he should lay off but he wouldn’t listen.”

“Oh… Thanks, I guess…” Severus responded, not sure why one of James’ friend would care about one of the Gryffindor’s victims.

“I was hoping we could be friends- if you want… Lily and I talk a lot and she said you’re a really good friend…” Sirius admitted, running a hand through his hair as it started falling into his face.

“You see, Severus, you do have friends at Hogwarts.” Albus encouraged, smiling as Severus frowned.

“I told him about your dad. It wasn’t fair of James to be so mean to you. Sirius is really nice and he just… well, he doesn’t want to you to think they’re all jerks just because James is rude.” Lily added, looking at Severus and watching for his reaction.

“Lily! Why did you tell him? It wasn’t yours to tell anyone!” Severus panicked, remembering his unfortunate underclothes situation at the mention of his father and nervous that she had told about his accidents too.

“I’m sorry, Sev, I really am, but it was the only way I could convince them that it’s not your fault.” Lily apologized.

“That what’s not my fault?” Severus questioned.

“Incidents like yesterday and looking so sickly and all.” Lily answered, flinching as the words left her mouth as she realized how much worse it all seemed now.

“Severus, please don’t be mad at Lily, she only wanted us to understand you so we’d give you a chance.” Sirius pleaded.

“We? Who’s we? Who all did you tell, Lily?” Severus demanded, horror clear on his face as he pulled away from her.

“James, Peter, Remus, me and some of the girls she’s friends with...” Sirius answered for her.

“What have you done, Lily?” Sirius asked, starting to cry as he looked to the one person he had ever considered a friend. “I trusted you! Now everyone will know and James will make my life even more of a living hell!”

“I’m sorry, Sev, I swear I only told them because I thought they’d stop teasing you!” Lily cries, feeling positively awful.

Severus attempted to retreat to his room, only to find himself being trapped by his guardian’s arms wrapping around him. After a couple attempts to break free, the young boy settled for burying his face in hands and outright sobbing.

“I’m afraid all of this has come at a bad time. You see, Ms. Evans, Mr. Black, Severus received some very devastating news this morning so he’s a bit off-kilter.” Albus explained, rubbing his adoptive son’s back.

“What happened, Headmaster? Is Severus going to have to leave because I could help him if he wants me to?” Sirius urged, feeling a bit panicked that they might have done something that pushed Severus over the edge.

“His mother died, didn’t she?” Lily sniffled, wiping her tears away with the heel of her hand.

“Yes, Lily, I’m afraid she did. His father is the culprit and he has been detained by the Muggle authorities.” Albus confirmed. “And no, Sirius, he won’t have to leave. Actually, he’ll likely be surprised if he ever has to leave again.”

“What do you mean, Headmaster?” Sirius wondered.

“I have chosen to take Severus on as my own. So he will in fact still be attending our school. However, Severus will be missing a few days of classes as his mother’s wake and funeral are to happen within the week.” Albus elaborated as Severus calmed to quiet, shuddering breaths.

“May we come with Severus to the funeral- if it’s alright with him, that is?” Lily requested, still stuffed up and puffy- eyed.

“I shall personally retrieve if, by the time we prepare to leave for the funeral, Severus has agreed to such a plan.” Albus assured them, sliding a shaking Severus onto his lap. “Now, I believe you should be getting back to class. Professor McGonagall has already informed your professors of your need to be tardy, though she told them nothing of the nature of your visit to my office.”

“Yes. Headmaster.” The two Gryffindors responded in unison before taking their leave with one last look at their friend.

“Severus, I understand that you are, and rightly so, upset with them, but I hope you will come to forgive them and allow them to come to the funeral as your moral support.” Albus sympathized.

Severus said nothing in response, only clinging to his new and much kinder father figure.

“I believe the pajamas Madam Pomfrey had the house elves leave are in order, as well as a good nap.” Albus sighed, fearing his words were lost on the boy.

Dumbledore carried the boy to his bedroom and changed him out of his robes. He grabbed the pajamas, appraising them for their current appropriateness since his eleven year old charge was acting more like a toddler. Albus put the black with Slytherin-green polka dotted footie pajamas on his adoptive son, noting, with some humor that there was a green pacifier attached to the collar. He realized that Poppy must have done it to prevent the young one from sucking his thumb- too many germs, the Wizard supposed. He had, after all, mentioned the habit to her in his visit to her while Severus was asleep- though he thought she was only joking when she had suggested putting him in footed pajamas and giving him a pacifier.

“Papa…” Severus spoke up, pulling the Headmaster from his musings.

“Yes, little one?” Albus responded, sitting the child up on his bed and petting the child’s soft, black hair with a warm smile.

“I feel like a baby…” Severus admitted with a frown, eyeing the pacifier with some discomfort.

“Well, I confess I had told Madam Pomfrey of your coping mechanism of sucking your thumb, though when she mentioned giving you a pacifier instead allowing you to use your thumb I thought she was joking. But seeing it attached to the pajamas, I believe her intention was to prevent any unwanted illnesses you could get from using your thumb.” Albus confessed. “Would you like to give it a try?”

Severus shook his head, frowning even further. He thought the pajamas were fine, they weren’t the first pair he’d had- in fact they were probably the fourth pair. His mother excelled at making footed pajamas and had an affinity for seeing him in them. It was the pacifier that bothered him.

“Would you like to meet Fawkes before your nap?” Dumbledore offered, trying to give the child a break and an easy transition into a much stricter world.

“Fawkes?” Severus questioned.

“Yes, he is my Phoenix. He’s been my companion ever since I can remember.” Albus explained, picking Severus up like a toddler, carrying him to the living room and setting him on the floor next to Fawkes, who took great interest in the boy. “You may pet him, if you like. Fawkes, this is Severus.”

Fawkes turned his head to the side a bit before nudging the young boy’s hand with his beak, attempting to encourage the child to pet him. Severus looked nervously to his guardian, who was sitting on the loveseat across from the two, and nodded. He then pet the beautiful bird and laughed a bit as Fawkes seemed to make a sound that could only be equated to a cat’s purr before jumping on his lap and settling in as if to claim the spot and the person. Fawkes sang happily as Severus began to pet him again, the child’s thumb floating up to his mouth without him even thinking about it. As Albus notices this action, he intercepts, slipping the pacifier in Severus’s mouth, much to the young boy’s dismay as he looks up at his guardian, about to spit it out.

“Ah, Madam Pomfrey said no thumbs, little one. If you wish to suck on something, it must be that. I might also add that if you make a fuss or attempt to defy me, I will not hesitate to put you in bed for your nap.” Albus warned, sitting back down just as a barn owl flew into the chambers and reading the note the heart-faced bird had dropped in his lap. “It seems that Madam Pomfrey has sent for a half-blood child psychologist to come visit you in the early afternoon. Now, I will let you play with Fawkes for another 10 minutes if you like and agree to use the pacifier instead of your thumb. Would you like to stay up or would you like me to tuck you in for your nap now?”

“Nap…” Severus answered around the object in his mouth- it was starting to grow on him since it didn’t cause him any pain if he accidentally bit down.

“Fawkes, to the boy’s bedroom, if you please.” Albus told his feathered companion, who responded with a chirp and flew into the mentioned bedroom as Albus took Severus in his arms.

He carried his adoptive son into the bedroom and tucked him in next to the Phoenix, noticing with a warm, fuzzy feeling in his heart that the sleepy child had taken to sucking the pacifier every now and then. The Headmaster sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through Severus’s hair as he picked another song that he could sing for the child.

“I am so high, I can hear heaven  
I am so high, I can hear heaven  
Whoa, but heaven, no, heaven don't hear me

And they say that a hero could save us  
I'm not gonna stand here and wait  
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles  
Watch as we all fly away

Someone once told me love would all save us  
But, how can that be, look what love gave us  
A world full of killing and blood spilling  
That we’ll never tame

And they say that a hero could save us  
I'm not gonna stand here and wait  
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles  
Watch as we all fly away,” Albus sang in a soft voice as smooth and calming as silk in the wind.

Severus yawned, his eyes getting heavier by the moment. He kept the pacifier in, sucking on it and making it bob in slow, rhythmic motions.

“Now that the world isn't ending  
It's love that I'm sending to you  
It isn't the love of a hero  
And that's why I fear it won't do

And they say that a hero could save us  
I'm not gonna stand here and wait  
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles  
Watch as we all fly away

And they're watching us  
They're watching us  
As we all fly away…” Albus finished, kissing the sleeping child’s forehead before smoothing Fawkes’ feathers and quietly leaving the room with the door ajar.

Albus Dumbledore then paid a quick visit to the Ministry of Magic to finish some very important paperwork. At the conclusion, Albus went home a proud but concerned legally bound father. He only had Poppy’s and McGonagall’s advice to go on for how to raise Severus and neither had ever had any children of their own, though both were well-versed in the growth and development of a child. Still, Albus couldn’t help but worry that he was only going to damage the child further…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Albus sings to Severus in this chapter is "Hero" by Nickelback


	5. Diagnosis

**_“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” –Plato_ **

“Come in, Miss… What did you say your name was again?” Albus asked, escorting the child psychiatrist into his personal chambers.

She was a petite thing, barely over five feet tall and fairly thin, though surprisingly curvy. She had rounded square glasses, a nose piercing, wore numerous petite rings, a necklace and diamond studs in her ears. She wore a long gray cardigan, sparkling pale pink top, skinny black trousers, and gray slip on shoes. Her hair was almost as dark as Severus’s, though her skin was a flushed and healthy fair tone. She couldn’t have been over 22 by the Headmaster’s guess.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Headmaster, I didn’t give my name.” She responded, face-palming and laughing nervously. “My name is Emery Chase. Where is Severus?”

As if to answer the question for his adoptive father, loud sobs were heard from the child’s room. Emery immediately dashed to the room and took Severus in her arms, pulling him on her lap and rubbing his back while Fawkes watched the whole thing, uttering a few sad sounding chirps.

“Shhhh, sweetie, it’s okay. You’re safe and sound.” Emery soothed, kissing his forehead.

She gave the seasoned Wizard a somewhat apologetic look for her behavior, but she couldn’t stand to hear a crying child because the mere sound broke her heart. Dumbledore looked on with amusement and concern, though he was glad Severus was already taking to her fairly well. As soon as Severus spotted Albus, he reached out for him. Albus understood the gesture and sat down on the bed, the young boy being transferred from her lap to his.

“Another nightmare, hm?” Albus wondered, rubbing the child’s back.

Severus nodded and sniffled feeling awful and fairly wet.

“Well, let’s start making you feel better, shall we?” Albus suggested, noticing the pungent smell of soaked training pants.

Severus nodded, but Albus paused unsure of whether he should let Emery stay or ask her to step out. Already ahead of them, Emery brushed her fingers through Severus’s hair and kissed his forehead before slipping out of the room with Fawkes following. Albus smiled a bit, cleaning up his young charge and putting a clean pair of training pants on him before putting the boy’s pajamas back on and wiping his face. As Albus took the child into his arms, he slipped the pacifier into the boy’s mouth. Severus blushed but took to sucking on it in his slow, rhythmic way. The Headmaster kissed his foster son’s forehead and carried him out to the fireplace area, finding Emery sitting with her legs curled beside her, her weight resting on her left arm and hip, while petting Fawkes with her right hand as he perched on her free hip.

“All better, Severus, sweetie?” Emery cooed as Dumbledore sat him on the floor next to her, keeping a hold on his foster father’s robes.

Severus nodded shyly and looked up to his guardian for an explanation.

“Severus, dear boy, this is the half-blood child psychiatrist Madam Pomfrey sent for. Her name is Emery Chase.” Albus explained, detaching the child from his robes and seating himself on the love seat next to the group on the floor.

“I think Fawkes would love for you to pet him, Severus.” Emery suggested, to which Fawkes sang in agreement.

Severus reached out and pet the Phoenix, giggling as Fawkes emitted another of his purr-like chirps.

“Severus, I want you to try and look at me as a friend who’s older, but will never tell your secrets because I can’t or I’ll get in trouble with you and your Papa.” Emery told him, petting the Phoenix’s tail feathers with light and gentle strokes. “Think you can do that for me, sweetie?”

Severus thought about it as he continued to pet Fawkes and shook his head to tell her he didn’t think he could. Friends wasn’t what he wanted because they tell secrets whether he wants them to or not. Besides that little fact, she didn’t seem like the friend type- she was too motherly for that.

“Okay, I can understand that. How about the cool aunt who’s all fun times and keeps things just between us four?” Emery pitched, hoping she could find some way to present herself to him that would make the child more comfortable with opening up to her.

Just like before, Severus kept petting Fawkes and sucking on his pacifier as he thought. Finally, he nodded with a shy smile and a small blush.

“Awesome! You can call me Auntie Emmie.” Emery enthused. “Do you have a fun nickname that you want me to call you?”

“Sevie…” Severus answered from behind his pacifier- he was starting to use it as an excuse to say as little as possible.

“That’s a very sweet nickname, Sevie.” Emery complimented. “Is there anything you wanna talk about?”

He thought for a moment and shook his head.

“Well, can we talk about your day so far?” Emery asked. “Your Papa and Madam Pomfrey haven’t told me a thing about what you’ve been up to and what’s been happening.”

“I guess…” Severus submitted, his pacifier falling from his mouth as he suddenly felt much older than he was and was being treated.

“What’s happened so far today, Sevie? Can you tell me what you’ve been up to?”

“I found out Father killed Mother… He’s been detained. Papa told me that he’s adopting me. And then Lily and Sirius came to see me. Lily told a bunch of people about Father and some other stuff that I didn’t want her to tell…” Severus told her, focusing the rest of his mind on petting Fawkes. “Then Papa told me that I should think about letting them come to Mother’s funeral, but I was still upset with them… Then Papa put me in these pajamas- they’re like the ones Mother used to make me… They make me feel like a baby, especially when Papa has me using the pacifier instead of my thumb. Madam Pomfrey thinks I’ll get sick from all the germs on my thumb… Papa and Madam Pomfrey have me wear training pants because of my accidents…”

Albus was genuinely surprised by how open his foster son was being and pleased that Severus had been listening when he told him to try and make amends with Lily and Sirius.

“That’s a lot to have happen in just one morning, huh?” Emery sympathized, quickly thinking up her next question while he nodded. “Let’s start with Lily and Sirius. Will you tell me who they are?”

“Lily was my friend from Spinner’s End where Mother and I lived near her family. Sirius is one of her friends and he’s friends with James too…”

“Who’s James, Sevie?”

“A boy in our year who picks on me… Lily made it worse when she told him and bunch of others about Father and how, when I get scared or have nightmares, I have accidents.”

“I noticed you said Lily was your friend, aren’t you two still friends?” Emery wondered, watching him carefully.

“I don’t know… She doesn’t really talk to me anymore. She hadn’t talked to me since our first day here because none of her new friends like me, except Sirius… He said he wanted to be friends…” Severus responded, shifting a bit.

“Well, that’s nice of him. Maybe you should try and spend some time with him in the future. You might get to spend more time with Lily that way.” Emery commented, smiling at him as she readjusted her glasses while he shrugged. “Now, I’m curious, did Lily tell you why she told those things that you didn’t want her to?”

“She said that she was trying to make them be nicer to me. Sirius said knowing that stuff made him understand me, but I don’t think he does because he’s never been in situations like mine.” Severus answered.

“Well, it sounds like she was genuinely trying to help make things better for you, but it wasn’t very nice of her to tell things about you without you knowing or saying she could. As for Sirius, I don’t think we can assume that he doesn’t know what it’s like being in your situation because we don’t know him very well yet.” Emery qualified, noticing the topic was a lost cause as Severus simply shrugged again. “Can you tell me about your mother and father? What was home like with them?”

“Father was almost always angry… Mother told me once that he was just mad because he wasn’t magical like us. He hurt Mother a lot and as I got older he started hurting me and it only got worse.” Severus admitted, his reluctance to talk about it clear as he continued to shift uncomfortably. “Mother was nice to me… Most of the time… Sometimes, Father made her so upset that she even got mad at me and hurt me, but she always apologized and tried to make it better. When she wasn’t upset or mad, she was usually sad and she treated me like a baby. But after I became really good friends with Lily, she pretty much just let me do whatever I wanted. I spent a lot of time at Lily’s and she said her parents liked me. We also spent a lot of time down by the lake- which Mother didn’t like… I think that’s why she made me wear footed pajamas like these… They make it hard to walk because the fabric doesn’t stretch enough… I think Mother didn’t want me going anywhere without her…”

Albus was a bit surprised to learn that Eileen had ever been unkind to her son. She had certainly failed to mention that it ever happened. At the same time, he could understand why and that she had clearly felt bad about ever having laid an unkind hand to her son. Though the latter, where Eileen tended to baby her son, had been quite apparent. Despite noticing the gaps between Severus’s and Eileen’s stories, Albus kept quiet, letting Emery do her job.

“It sounds like she loved you a lot, but didn’t know how to show it in a way that let you grow up. But it might be the case that she just missed when you were her baby and still needed her for everything... By the way you talk, I can tell you’re a very brilliant young man. Most children your age wouldn’t have thought of half of the things that you have, like how you think your mother didn’t want you to go anywhere without her since she put you in clothes that made it hard to walk.” Emery suggested, letting Fawkes hop off her hip and move to nuzzle Severus while she changed to sitting crossed legged. “It seems like you had to take care of yourself a lot when she wasn’t trying to pretend you were still her baby boy. Do you think she was trying to do what your Papa is trying to do?”

“What is he trying to do?” Severus questioned, looking close to tears after talking about his recently deceased mother.

“From what I’ve seen, it looks like he’s treating you like a toddler to try to re-write your childhood so that you can finally grow up like a child who’s always lived a loving home where no one hurts you.” Emery pointed out, resting her forearms on her crossed legs and slouching forward in a more relaxed posture.

“I guess…” Severus sniffled, unsure of what to think as the emotions behind all of it finally caught up to him as he started crying. “I hate Father… He made everything a nightmare…”

“Sevie, come see Auntie Emmie.” Emery encouraged, holding her arms out to him- mentally sighing in relief when he had crawled into her lap and clung to her. “I understand. He did very, very terrible things. But, here’s a little comfort for you, he can’t hurt anyone anymore. He’s all locked up and he’ll never be let out because killing someone is one of the most serious crimes he could commit. So, just let it all out. Papa and Auntie Emery are right here for you.”

Severus did, in fact, let it all out. He cried and cried until his tear ducts called it and stopped producing salty water droplets. At which point, Emery gently shifted him away from her and pulled a few tissues out of her cardigan pocket and wiped his runny nose for him. She then offered him the pacifier, still safely secured to his pajamas, which he took without hesitation and started sucking in his rhythmic way. Emery and Albus shared a knowing look before the Headmaster mouthed a thank you to the young woman.

“Sevie, do you want us to baby you? Does it help you feel safe and cared for?” Emery asked.

Severus sniffled and hiccupped as he thought. He hadn’t liked it before because it made feel even more pathetic than he already did and it gave his classmates more insults to use against him. But now, he felt pretty content and like he was actually loved and safe. So, he found himself nodding.

“What would you say to having Ms. Emery look after you when I’m unavailable, little one?” Albus proposed, noticing the psychologist’s blush.

“Weally?” Severus asked, his pacifier distorting his words.

“Yes, I would love to spend more time with you, Severus.” Emery assured, brushing his hair away from his red, puffy eyes. “I’ve always wanted a little one to look after.”

“Papa said so too.” Severus pointed out, starting to blush.

“I believe it’s settled then. Emery, I will have the house elves prepare one of the towers for you and-” Albus started.

“No…” Severus whined, noticing his Papa’s plan involved separation.

“What is it, Sevie? I thought you wanted me to come take care of you?” Emery questioned, rubbing his back.

“I want Emmie to stay with us… She can sleep with me in my room…” Severus responded, looking towards Emery with his mouth open for his pacifier, which she slipped in his mouth.

“Would that be all right, Emery?” Albus inquired.

“I think that would be wonderful!” Emery enthused, hugging Severus a little closer and tickling him until he lets out a giggle.

“Then, when you return to us tomorrow, bring your things. It seems young Severus isn’t about to let you go all that easily.” Albus chuckled.

“She’s leaving?” Severus asked, looking unnerved as Emery yet again slipped his pacifier back in his mouth.

“Yes, sweetie, I have to get some things so I can stay here with you. I need my toothbrush and some clothes and all that good stuff.” Emery confirmed, running her fingers through his hair.

“I don’t want you to go…” Severus said, still holding his pacifier in his mouth.

Albus and Emery looked at each other for a moment before Albus went and retrieved an item from his room. When he came back, Fawkes perched on his shoulder as he sat back down.

“You may use this to slip out of the castle together and then again to get back in.” Albus suggested, having Fawkes glide the material over to them. “It is the legendary cloak of invisibility said to have been given to one of three brothers by Death himself. Emery, take Severus with you to your home in London and return here afterwards.”

“I get to go wiff Mama?” Severus asked, speaking around his pacifier.

“That is correct, little one.” Albus assured.

“Okay, now, wait. I want to draw attention to the fact that,” Emery paused before slipping into more of a cooing voice. “This precious little baby boy just called me mama!”

Severus blushed and buried his face in her chest with a giggle. It was embarrassing how she had started baby talking him, but at the same time, it was nice because even his mother hadn’t used baby talk with him when he was actually little. She started tickling him mercilessly for a few minutes, making him laugh like he’d never laughed before, but by the end of it, Severus realized he had to use the restroom pretty bad and as soon as he made a move to get up, his bladder just let it all go as it mistook his feeling of urgency for one of panic and fear. Within a minute, it was painfully obvious that Severus had wet himself, a fact that made Severus’s embarrassment come back two-fold and had him in tears.

“I’m sorry!” Severus cried, trying to get up and go hide while Emery set the cloak to the side and Fawkes perched on the mantel.

“Sweetie, it’s okay! It was an accident and you couldn’t help it.” Emery soothed, getting up and picking him up like a toddler. “Mama will get you all cleaned up while Papa goes and gets some of his work done.”

Albus nodded in appreciation before taking his leave and apparating to his main office. In the meantime, Emery carried Severus to his bedroom and laid him on the bed. She unzipped the footie pajamas, slipped his pacifier in for a distraction, tore the sides of the training pants, and went about cleaning him up with a few wipes from the container next to the bed. She disposed of the soiled items and slipped a pair of clean training pants on him. Emery paused before putting the pajamas back on him.

“Sevie, do you wanna wear your jammies and have me carry you or should we put your robes on and have you walk like a big boy?” Emery posed, rubbing the tops of his thighs while he thought. “You can have your paci either way. If you wear your jammies, it’ll be attached just like now, or we can tuck it into the pockets of your robes and let you use it while it’s just us.”

Severus shrugged, sniffling.

“Well, here’s what we’ll do. I’ll use Reduccio and slip your big boy clothes in my cardigan’s pocket and we’ll dress you in your jammies for now.” Emery suggested, putting his footie pajamas back on him and zipping them up. “How’s that sound, baby?”

Severus simply nodded, sucking on his pacifier and all too happy to not have to talk. Emery slipped her wand from the special pocket on the right thigh of her skinny trousers, summoned a warm, damp rag, and began wiping his face off. She then tucked the wand back into its pocket.

“There. All better!” Emery announced in a half-cooing, half sing-song like tone. “Let’s get you some water and then we’ll grab the cloak and go, okay?”

Severous nodded and reached out for her, Emery recognizing the gesture and picking him up. She rubbed his back as she carried him to the kitchenette and got him a glass of water, which he gulped down in what had to be record time.

“Now remember, sweetie, you’re going to have to tell me when you need to use the restroom. Otherwise you’ll have another accident.” Emery reminded him, to which he nodded. “I’m going to bring the wipes and a couple pull-ups for you just in case, but I really want you to try and use the loo.”

Emery made sure she had everything she needed for their trip and threw the cloak on. They stopped to see Albus and make sure they had the cloak on right- they did- and went on their way. It took the pair the rest of the daylight hours just to make it to London. Once inside, Emery set the cloak aside and sat Severus on the floor. The young boy sucked on his pacifier and looked around the one bedroom flat, which was decorated in a very Victorian era style. After looking towards the far end of the wooden framed couch, Severus noticed a pet bed, which made him very nervous.

“Sweetheart, I’m gonna open the bathroom door and let Autumn out, okay?” Emery alerted him, her hand on the doorknob. “He’s a teacup Hippogriff, but he’s very friendly.”

Severus sat still, not even comfortable with the thought of nodding- he had no idea what a Hippogriff was and wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Emery opened the door and Autumn swooped out, no bigger than a corgi, but with longer legs. Autumn immediately came up to Severus and waited for him to bow.

“Sweet pea, lean forward like you’re going to lay on your tummy.” Emery instructed, watching the child do as told and her proud pet bow in return before both went back to their original positions. “Very good, Sevie, he really likes you. Go ahead and pet him if you like. I’m going to go pack up my trunk.”

Severus nodded, carefully watching the strange bird-like but also horse-like creature in front of him. Feeling comfortable with the two of them being at least within earshot, Emery went into her room and started packing. In the mean time, Severus felt his bladder alerting him that he needed the loo, but multiple things were stopping him from going to the bathroom and using the loo. The first was clearly Autumn, then there was the fact that he knew he wouldn’t be able to walk and wasn’t about to make himself into an actual baby by crawling, as well as being unsure whether the creature before him would freak out if he called to Emery, and in addition to all that, he was actually curious to see what would happen if he wet himself again- would Emery get mad at him or would she assume Autumn scared him and made him have an accident?

Severus was pulled out of his thoughts by a warm sensation spreading around his crotch and bum that seemed to make the material of his training pants bulge out and squish in places. He felt awful for not just calling Emery to help him and he knew he would be made fun of for sure if he didn’t overcome his accidents soon, but, like the other times, it was definitely literally out of his control. After five or so more minutes of being lost in his thoughts again, he came back to the here and now as Emery coaxed her teacup Hippogriff into a cage by putting a slab of raw meat in the back of it.  After Autumn was secured in the cage, she took Severus in her arms and felt his very soggy training pants through his pajamas. With the pressure of being held pushing his soaked undergarment against his privates and bum, Severus felt even worse about his accident and started to whimper around his pacifier.

“Oh, sweet pea, did Autumn scare you and make you go potty in pants?” Emery sympathized, carrying him to her room and laying him on her bed.

“Didn’t think I had to go…” Severus half-lied.

He had known he needed to go, but he didn’t think he needed the loo so soon. So it wasn’t a total lie. Even so, he still felt awful about the soggy material between his legs that sagged and weighed what seemed like a ton, partly because it felt awful and he also didn’t want to be called things like cry-baby, diaper-boy, or big baby for the rest of his life. Emery didn’t seem to mind changing him, though, and she was already dressing him in his robes when started paying attention again. She left his pacifier in and clipped it to his vest so that it was easy to hide. She set him down on the floor on his feet and kissed his forehead.

“Can you be a big boy for me until we get home, Sevie?” Emery asked as she covered Autumn’s cage with the cloak, putting the night sky patterned side facing outward.

“Okay…” Severus agreed, spitting his pacifier out and tucking it in his vest.

“There’s my big boy!” Emery commended, taking his hand and leading him out of 223B, her flat in near downtown in London- being sure to lock the door behind them.

It wasn’t until almost midnight that the pair arrived back in Dumbledore’s chambers. Emery held a sleeping Severus on one hip while he sucked on his pacifier and hefted Autumn’s cage in her free hand. She sat down on the loveseat and let Autumn out to inspect the place and get acquainted with Fawkes. Albus was already asleep in his own room as Emery carried the sleeping child to their room. She removed his robes and uniform, checked his training pants (still dry for the time being), and slipped his footie pajamas on him before tucking him in and kissing his forehead.

Emery quickly got herself changed into her nightclothes, a knee-length nightgown with a pair of shorts underneath, and slipped out to the kitchenette to get a drink of water before turning in. She watched Autumn lie down on the carpet next to the hearth and Fawkes perch on the mantel above him, reflecting on everything that she had heard and seen since she arrived back at Hogwarts for the first time since she had graduated. Emery had been utterly miserable towards the end of her stay at Hogwarts since she had been relocated to a different family member yet again, all while trying to balance her Magic studies with her college studies. She may have been the youngest child, but she was certainly not the ‘baby’ of the family. She grew up poor so she grew up fast. Dumbledore had even lectured her and at one point, even threatened to isolate her in one of the castle’s towers to get her to take a step back and relax. She knew what Severus was going through, though no one had ever ‘babied’ her- she had just made herself mature and stay that way, so much so that she actually hadn’t cried in over three years. Those three years she took to giving herself ‘paper cuts’ and ‘accidentally’ burning herself in Potions or by candle fire in her dorm when no one else was awake.

“Poor little guy is so fucked up.” Emery whispered to herself, taking another sip of water. “Bastard father is what he had and good intentioned idiot for a mother. Hope I can fix him.”

Emery heaved out a huge sigh, eyeing the scars on her arm before dumping the remaining water in the sink and leaving the glass to be washed later. Just as she was about to dim the lights and head to bed, a puff of green smoke came from the fireplace, making Autumn jump and let out a small screech before relocating.

“What the hell?” Emery muttered, slowly approaching the hearth, pausing as a feminine figure started to emerge.

“Hello, Emery.” Poppy greeted, brushing the dust from the trip through the chimney off of herself. “Still dressing like a slut, I see.”

“Sod off, Pomfrey. This my nightgown.” Emery snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What did you do to your wrists this time?” Poppy questioned, noticing the black marks on them.

“They’re tattoos, Poppy. It says ‘no lies, just love’ so calm yourself.” Emery answered, no less irritated with the woman who had put the ideas in the Headmaster’s mind about locking her away and hospitalizing her and whatnot. “Why are you here?”

“I came to see how things are going with Severus.” Poppy answered.

“Do you have any sodding idea what time it is?” Emery inquired, glaring at the healer before her.

“None the less, I want to know how he’s handling all of this.”

Emery sighed in defeat, pulling her layered, shoulder length hair back into a messy bun.

“Poppy, he’s going to end up going through the same shit I did. He’ll probably try to hurt himself to cope because that’s one of the only things he knows. This babying shit isn’t going to fix everything. Yeah, sure, it might stop the nightmares and help him realize he’s no longer in danger when he’s out living life, but he’s going to feel things and those things are going to hurt.” Emery explained. “He needs to keep talking, to connect with people his age like Lily and Sirius, and he needs to have supportive people in his life. That’s all I can say. He has to make it happen. I can only tell him his options and say which ones sound better to me. He’ll choose what he chooses. No one can do a damn thing about that.”

“I can appreciate that and I think having you, as someone who knows his situation, to help him and tell him what to expect will be good for the child. From what Albus told me, he’s taken you as his foster mother. I hope you’re taking that seriously.” Poppy responded, fussing with the apron covering her floor length skirt.

“I have. I love the kid already, but this babying shit makes me sick. I mean, why the hell am I having to, to ‘coo’ at him like he was just born and practically diaper the poor kid? I get consoling him and trying to help him get over his bladder issues from his PTSD and all, but seriously, this can’t be healthy. Yet, I’m seeing him playing the part as if he were just an innocent baby.” Emery confessed, shifting her stance with uneasily. “I’m seriously worried about this kid and Albus, shit, he can’t raise a child when he’s part of the Order of the Phoenix, Head of Merlin’s court, and Headmaster of Hogwarts. Sure, he loves the Severus and watches out for him, but that’s not the same.”

“I think you’re afraid Severus will make all the same mistakes that you did. With any luck though, he won’t go get drunk and whore around like you did.” Poppy commented.

“Screw yourself, Poppy, I was a fucked up kid just like he is.”

“I know and if you don’t fix that child, you’re vicariously re-living that part of your life all over again. So get yourself together, Chase.” Poppy lectured. “You’ve already diagnosed him, right?”

“Yeah, the poor kid’s got all the same shit that I do. But it’s worse for him because he’s way more introverted than I ever was.”

Emery released another huge sigh and leaned against the back of the loveseat, petting Autumn as she thought.

“Well, use all that knowledge of yours and outsmart him. Cut him off at the pass- before he can even come close to trying to hurt himself.” Poppy urged, pulling the young woman’s chin up to look her in the eye. “He needs you.”

“Shit, don’t you think I know that?” Emery pressed, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Then act like it. You may have lost-”

“Don’t you even fucking start, woman.” Emery warned, knowing exactly who she was going to mention.

“Don’t snap at me, young lady! I’m not the one who lost her child.” Poppy snapped, reminding herself that she couldn’t slap the girl because of her PTSD.

Emery fumed in silence as her right hand instinctively went to the spot next to her spine and just below the point where her neck met her shoulders. There was a tattoo with tiny footprints and the name Jaspe Sévère Chase- French for Jasper Severus Chase.

“Who needs a knife to the wrist, when I’ve got you, Poppy?” Emery wondered, her voice broken and biting as tears ran down her face.

“I don’t try to hurt you, Emery, but you, sometimes I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours.” Poppy assured the young woman, offering her a handkerchief.

“Welcome to the club.” Emery remarked, a bitter note to her voice as she accepted the handkerchief. “I’m trying to do it right this time, Poppy. I know I’ve gotten a second chance, but I didn’t want it like this. Shit, Lord, knows I didn’t want that psychopath to murder Eileen- she was one of my only friends here.”

“I know, dear. Just try to take it for what it is.” Poppy comforted, rubbing the young woman’s arm.

“Hell must have frozen over because I do believe you were just nice to me, Poppy.” Emery teased, sniffling with a devious smile.

“Oh can it, you little Harlot.” Poppy dismissed, moving back into the fireplace and taking a pinch of floo powder in her hand. “Do be a stranger, Emery. That way I won’t have to coach you through another pregnancy.”

And with that, the healer had left and gone back to the infirmary. Emery shook her head and went to bed, watching her Sévère sleep for the first time in ten years.

“I’m not giving you up ever again, mon petit rayon de lune.” Emery whispered, running her fingers through his hair as he subconsciously curled up closer to her. “Je vous aime.” 

**_“This time, this place misused, mistakes, Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait, Just one chance, just one breath- Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, you know, you know That I love you I've loved you all along And I miss you, Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me…”- Nickelback “Far Away”_ **


	6. So Long and Goodnight

**_“Ever get the feeling that you're never all alone? And I remember now At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies, She dies At the end of the world Or the last thing I see You are never coming home, never coming home Could I? Should I? And all the things that you never ever told me And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me Never coming home, never coming home Could I? Should I? And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me…” –My Chemical Romance, “The Ghost of You”_ **

A few days had passed and it was Friday morning, the day of the funeral. Severus had started overcome his accidents during the day time and only had the occasional accidents in the night. Emery had just gotten Severus dressed in a black suit with white dress shirt underneath. He had decided that he would be alright with letting Lily and Sirius come to the funeral, so Albus had gone to retrieve the two students, who would be brought back to Dumbledore’s personal chambers and they would apparate to Spinner’s End for the funeral around 11 am.

“Okay, sweetie, Mama’s gonna go get dressed, then we’ll grab Lily and Sirius and go to the funeral home.” Emery told him, picking him up and carrying him out to the living room where she set him on the couch. “Play with Autumn and Fawkes or do some reading for your classes until I’m done.”

“Yes, Mama.” Severus agreed, picking up his potions textbook as she kissed his forehead.

Emery went back to their room, Autumn following close behind and fluttering up onto the bed where he laid and watched her sort through her clothes. Emery settled on a white sleeveless blouse with a black ribbon tied around the collar, slim black trousers, and black ballet flats. Emery set her black cardigan off to the side. She wore her usual jewelry, except her earrings were black roses this time. She had half her hair pulled back and pinned with a black bow with all of it curled into large, loose spirals. She left her glasses on and wore no makeup. She stared at her wrists and remembered why she had gotten the cursive scrawl pierced into her flesh with black ink. She had lied a lot during her time at Hogwarts, always about her own health and what she was doing. It served as a reminder in the same way that the tattoo of the baby’s footprints did, the same footprints that seemed to scream at her in the mirror when she turned around and looked over her shoulder. After sighing at her reflection, Emery pet Autumn and left the bedroom. Severus was still reading his potions book but had started making notes in it.

“What are ya doin’, Sweet pea?” Emery inquired, her cardigan in her hand as she sat down on the arm of the sofa.

“Some of these potions don’t have the right instructions and some of the ingredient measures are wrong.” Severus answered, not looking up until he had finished his note in the margins of the potion’s ingredients listing.

“How do you know, sweetheart?”

“I just do. Mother mentioned that not everything in my books would be right. She said that sometimes they would only be half-right.”

“That was very good of her to tell you that.” Emery commented, feeling the emotional tear in her heart ache. “Albus should be back with Lily and Severus in a couple minutes so we can leave. Do you need to go potty before we go?”

Severus thought for only a second before he realized that he had tried to hold his bladder for too long while he was making notes in his textbook. The area around his crotch and bum had the unfortunate familiar warmth from whenever he wet his training pants. He looked up at Emery with a guilty expression and she automatically understood that he had already gone in his training pants. She sighed, setting his textbook and quill off to the side, and carried him back to their bedroom.

Emery was getting tired of changing his training pants all the time and even more worried that he was starting to do it on purpose because he wanted to be a perpetual toddler, or worse, baby. She had seen it before a few times in Muggle children back in London, but had never seen it in magical children, especially not her child. It took her only a couple minutes to change him and she sighed mentally as she noticed he was sucking on his pacifier. He had started asking for it every now and then- saying he was upset or tired and wanted his ‘paci’ which Dumbledore always encouraged, but she hesitated. Emery picked him back up and held him.

“Sweetie, can Mama talk to you about something?” Emery asked, patting his (unfortunately) padded bum with the hand that was supporting it.

“Yes, Mama.” Severus answered.

“I can tell if you’re lying, so don’t even think about it. I also know when you’re only telling part of the truth. So I repeat, don’t even think of lying to me.” Emery warned, sitting down on the loveseat and situating him so he was straddling her lap with her hands holding him there. “You’ve made some progress on not having accidents during the day and I am very proud of you. At the same time, I have ask this. Are you going potty in your pants on purpose so that Papa and I will keep letting you be little and use your paci?”

Severus hadn’t actually thought about this before, but he realized there was a part of him that was afraid that if he stopped having his accidents and acting like a toddler that they would stop loving and paying attention to him. They seemed to love babying him- except for a few minutes ago when Emery sighed when she realized he’d peed in his training pants instead of the toilet.

“Sometimes…” Severus admitted, letting his pacifier fall from his mouth and hang from the clip it was attached to.

“Severus, do you want to be a baby forever? Should we just put you in diapers and never let you go to school or be a big boy? Is that what you want?” Emery questioned with all seriousness.

Severus felt himself go even paler than normal as he thought in horror of always wearing diapers, being stuck in playpens, having to occupy his time playing with baby toys or sleeping, and the kind of mush and baby bottles he be fed. That wasn’t anything he wanted, especially if it meant that he wasn’t allowed to go school. He just wanted them to love him and care for him because he wasn’t ready- was too scared- to be on his own.

“Severus, I don’t want to sound mean, but I swear that if you can’t answer me within the next thirty seconds, I’m going to put you in a diaper and as soon as we get back from the funeral, it’s full baby treatment from then on.” Emery pressed, knowing that Albus could show up any moment with the two Gryffindor students and she didn’t want to embarrass- especially when he had a pacifier dangling from his vest.

“I don’t want to wears diapers, Emmie.” Severus answered, realizing the severity of the situation.

“Then what _do_ you want?” Emery asked in a softer voice, tucking his pacifier out of view. “You have to tell me so I can help you make it happen...”

“I just want you and Papa to love me and show me what to do…I’m not ready to be all alone!” Severus admitted, his eyes tearing up.

“Baby, Papa and I will always be here for you. You don’t have to pretend you’re a baby for us to look out for you and make sure you have all you need and help you get what you want.” Emery assured, holding him closer and rubbing his back.

Severus cried and held onto Emery for what seemed like hours, but was only a half hour. Severus had noticed the tattoo on her upper back and found himself distracted from his emotions by his curiosity. There were strange words and tiny footprints that he’d never seen- she usually wore a sweater or something that covered it.

“Mama, what’s that on your back?” Severus sniffled.

Before Emery could try to lie about it, Albus apparated into the rooming with Lily and Sirius, both dressed in their ‘Sunday best.’ Emery mentally sighed in relief about not having to say a word about her tattoo as she wiped Severus’s face with a tissue from the side table before sliding him off her lap and standing with him, grabbing her cardigan.

“What took you so long, Albus?” Emery wondered, a little at odds with the sight of seeing him in black robes. “I had enough time to actually put effort into my hair, which everyone knows takes a woman at least an hour.”

“I will tell you later, once the students are occupied.” Albus explained, that strange twinkle especially vivid. “Lily, Sirius, this is Ms. Emery Danielle Chase. She’s a half-blood child psychologist who is overseeing Severus during his grieving process.”

Emery balked at that because she didn’t think Albus had remembered her from her time at Hogwarts, especially not enough to remember her middle name after all these years- hell, it had been 9 years. Emery collected herself and realized the two Gryffindors had greeted.

“Hi to you too.” Emery greeted, clearing her throat. “Are we all ready to go? It’s a quarter till eleven.”

Everyone looked at each other and nodded, so Emery took Severus’s hand then Dumbledore’s, Lily held onto Severus’s free hand, and Albus held Sirius’s. Within moments, they were at the funeral home on the far side of Spinner’s End, a short walk away from the lake where Severus and Lily used to play and talk. They approached the casket, all still holding hands as if they were a chain of paper dolls, and Severus saw his mother for the first time since he’d left for Hogwarts on the train at King’s Cross. He felt numb for a minute and then couldn’t help sobbing at the nightmarish sight of his mother’s battered body- so broken and bruised that the makeup and other prep work did next to nothing to make her look like she was at peace. Sirius looked sick to his stomach and Lily looked like she felt, helpless. Meanwhile, Albus and Emery exchanged knowing glances.

“Come on, baby, let’s go outside for a bit.” Emery suggested, attempting to simply guide him away, which didn’t work at all since the poor child was frozen in place by his grief.

Realizing just guiding him out wouldn’t work, Emery picked him up like a two year old and carried him outside while she rubbed his back and soothed him in a whisper.

“Poor Mrs. Prince…” Lily lamented, staring at the broken body in the casket as if she’d never again be able to look away.

“You were really telling the truth when you said his father was mean…” Sirius realized in horror as he looked to Lily, unable to stare at the corpse any longer.

“Things like this are why we don’t allow bullying at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You never know what sort of burden your classmate may be carrying. It is more than cruel to humiliate those that may already hate themselves.” Dumbledore solemnly explained, looking through the open doors to the funeral home at Emery, who was still holding and attempting to soothe a clingy Severus.

After the hour of visitation, the funeral proceeds began. Albus did a majority of the talking, only sitting on the sidelines while Emery talked about growing up with Eileen and how she wished that her friend hadn’t overlooked Tobias’s aggressive nature. All through the funeral and the burial, Severus clung onto Emery, who lamented having given up her son. After the burial, Emery and Albus took the children down to the lake and let them have their time to talk and try to recover from the depressing event.

“Emery, what did you two talk about that ended in tears?” Albus asked, watching the Severus, Lily and Sirius all lie down in the grass and look up at the sky and its fluffy cotton ball clouds.

“I asked Severus if he was having accidents on purpose. He had admitted that some of them weren’t really accidents. So I pressed and he told me he was afraid we would stop caring for him and helping him if he weren’t having issues since we only started our whole routine with him because he was having accidents and getting picked on.” Emery explained, taking her wand out and casting a spell that caused the wind to blow hard enough to make the blossoms from the trees near the kids rain down on them.

“What did you tell him?”

“That we would care about him regardless of whether or not he was having accidents and nightmares because we love him and know he needs us.” Emery replied, tucking her wand back in its special pocket on the right thigh of her pants next to the seam. “What was your reason for being gone so long? Why couldn’t you tell me in front of the tiny ones?”

“I was at the Ministry preparing paperwork for transfer of guardianship to his birth mother. I know she’s dying to have him back and regretting giving him away.” Albus responded as though he were commenting on the weather and not the guardianship of a child. “You’ll need to go to the Ministry tomorrow and sign off on the paperwork.”

“Wait, how did you know? There were like eight of us who were pregnant…” Emery pressed, wondering if the man was actually a god in human form.

“Because Eileen admitted that she took Severus’s name from the birth mother. You made it all too easy by getting the boy’s footprints and name tattooed on your back.” Albus elaborated, looking at her with a mischievous grin. “And Poppy has a knack for re-opening old wounds, or so I hear.”

“Let’s see how well she heals herself when I’m done with her…” Emery stated, her tone very flat and annoyed.

“Now, now, Ms. Chase, if she hadn’t talked to me early this morning, I might never have known how badly you wanted to change the child’s circumstances. She chose you on purpose, you know, because it was Severus.” Albus curbed, noticing a regal young man about Emery’s age approaching them. “Ah, it seems someone wishes to speak with you.”

Emery turned around and blanched.

“Aw, shit…” Emery muttered while he was still out of earshot, quickly putting on an awkward grin as Albus took his leave with a chuckle.

“Hullo, Emery. It’s been awhile.” The young man greeted as he stopped in front of her.

He wore a very fine looking black suit with a red dress shirt with the top button undone. On the handkerchief was the crest of his family- the prince of Scotland. His mother was Puerto Rican and had made the current king long for her when they met at one of the universities. The entire country nearly keeled over when he married the Puerto Rican beauty- not unlike Emery as she stood face to face with Christian Jean Claucher. He had more of his mother’s tan complexion- though he carried his father’s ghostly pale genetics- with red-hued black hair and rectangular, wire-rimmed glasses. He was stunning, and she had forgotten how much he towered over her.

“Hi, Christian.” Emery greeted with a strained smile. “What brought you here?”

“Well, it is our friend Eileen’s funeral, but also to see our son.” Christian answered simply. “I saw him with you earlier. Have you told him yet?”

“Told him what, Christian? Hm? That his mother whored around without protection, gave birth to him, gave him up and then realized she’d made a huge fucking mistake?’ Emery responded with all the sarcasm she could muster. “Oh, yes, I told him five minutes ago and he’s just over the fucking moon ecstatic that he’s been beaten all his life by people who aren’t even his real parents.”

“Calm down, Kitten. It was only a question.” Christian responded. “Still, though, I can’t believe you still gave him to Eileen, even after she told you she was engaged to Tobias and they were getting married that summer.”

“I thought you were never going to talk to me again. You weren’t very thrilled when I got pregnant with him. And ya know, when you leave a woman to figure out what to do by herself, usually her best option is letting someone else adopt the baby.” Emery pointed out.

“I know and I’m sorry for that. It just made things complicated at home and my parents are still rather angry that not only did I have a child outside of marriage, but that they still haven’t met him.”

“Oh, I see, so you want to take our son to Scotland to meet the grandparents he never knew he had and then drop him back off with me like some sort of pet?” Emery guessed, still just as sarcastic.

“Think of it however you want, but honestly, I want you and him. I made a mistake in leaving you to figure things out alone and I’m sorry.” Christian apologized, pulling a little velvet box out of his jacket’s pocket. “To prove that I’m serious this time. I know you already have the appropriate fingers blockaded but I thought I’d try anyway.”

She opened the box to find a Celtic promise ring with an emerald cut in a heart shape lodged between the two hands that a monarchial crown rested upon. After her initial shock, she glared up at him. Before she could say anything, Severus ran up to her and tugged on the edge of her blouse as Albus walked by with Lily and Sirius. Emery stuck the box in her cardigan pocket and picked Severus up.

“Hi, baby.” She greeted, kissing him on the cheek. “What’s up?”

“Papa says it’s time to go.” Severus said in a quiet voice after kissing her cheek in return, peeking at the stranger behind him.

“This must be Severus.” Christian stated, moving to stand next to Emery.

As he looked over his son, he noticed that Severus had his eyes and the same facial structure- aside from the nose, it was certainly Emery’s father’s nose. He could tell that Severus would grow to be as tall as him as well.

“Severus, this is Prince Christian. He’s the son of the King and Queen of Scotland. He’s Mama’s close friend.” Emery explained, rubbing his back. “Say hi to Prince Christian, sweet pea.”

“Hello, Prince Christian.” Severus said in a quiet voice, feeling very uncomfortable.

“Well, Christian, I’m back at Hogwarts so you won’t be able to find me until I go back home to London in the summer.” Emery said, starting to leave.

“I’ll be there. 223B, right, Kitten?” He clarified, stopping her and kissing her before she could answer.

“Yes, Prince-Kiss-a-lot.” Emery breathed, her sarcasm not as biting as she meant it to be from her lack of breath.

“I like the name you chose for him.” Christian called, seeing the tattoo on her upper back as she walked away.

Emery’s only response was the middle finger as she walked away, hearing him laugh.

“Severus, baby, never do what Mama just did, that’s bad and mean.” Emery told the confused boy in her arms as she took Albus’s hand.

Severus nodded before they all apparated back to the Headmaster’s private chambers. Once they arrived back at the castle, Albus took Lily and Sirius back after they said goodbye to their friend and gave their condolences. Severus watched Emery as she dropped onto the loveseat, rested her elbows on her knees, and buried her face in her hands. After some internal debate, he approached her.

“Mama? Are you okay?” Severus asked in a small voice.

“Actually, baby, there’s a lot we need to talk about.” Emery answered with a regretful smile.

**_“You can go, You can start all over again, You can try to find a way to make another day go by. You can hide, Hold all your feelings inside. You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry And maybe someday We'll figure all this out Try to put an end to all our doubt Try to find a way to make things better now, and Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud We'll be better off somehow Someday…” – Rob Thomas “Someday”_ **


	7. Corrections

****_“Believe it or not, everyone have things that they hide_  
Believe it or not, everyone keep most things inside  
Believe it or not, everyone believe in something above  
Believe it or not, everyone need to feel loved, feel loved…” –Nickelback “Believe it or Not” 

Just as Emery had curled up on the bed with Severus leaning against her thighs to face her, Albus Dumbledore had come back and entered the bedroom- with a surprise guest. Emery moaned as she let her head go back as far as her neck would allow. Severus jolted and clung to her as she brought her head back to its normal angle with a scowl firmly planted on her face as she looked from Albus to their guest. Emery was wearing a pair of black ‘hot pants,’ as the Muggles called them, and a dark purple v-neck t-shirt and Severus, as his last night of being ‘little,’ was wearing his footie pajamas and already had his pacifier in his mouth. She was in no mood to explain the scene to her ex-lover.

“Albus, why in this ever-loving universe have you brought _him_ here?” Emery demanded, pulling her hair into a sloppy bun before embracing Severus.

“Well, I figured that since you were regaining custody of Severus, that you two should decide where your relations are heading so it can be determined whether he will also be taking partial custody of the child.” Albus explained, nodding to the velvet box on the nightstand next to the bed.

“On the way here, he explained that he was helping you regain custody. I wanted to talk to you about whether you were going to say yes and if you did, whether I would get custody as well.” Christian added, sitting on the edge of the bed. “But it looks like I still have more questions than answers. For example, why does he have a pacifier? Also, why is he wearing footed pajamas?”

“Well, I shall leave you three to it.” Dumbledore said with one of his famous twinkle-eyed smiles before he left.

“Sometimes, I really hate you, you know that, right, Chris?” Emery wondered, still glaring at him.

“I know. I just lack the capacity to care.” Christian confirmed, giving her his classic ‘what-are-you-gonna-do-about-it’ smile.

“I love how you just made this so much more difficult. I haven’t even had the chance to talk to Severus yet.” Emery groaned.

“Well, that just means we can tell him together.” Christian argued.

“Tell me what, Mama?” Severus asked in a whisper from behind his pacifier as he continued to cling to her.

“Baby, you know how you asked about Mama’s tattoo? The footprints and cursive words?” Emery posed, feeling like this was the best introduction to the truth about his life.

“Yes…” Severus answered.

“Well, about eleven years ago, Mama had a beautiful baby boy. I was going to name him Jaspe Sévère Chase, which is what is on my back. It’s a French name. If you say it in English, it’s Jasper Severus Chase.” Emery began, running her fingers through his hair while Christian looked on with an amused expression.

“He had my name for his middle name.” Severus observed, his pacifier falling out.

“That’s right. Now, I couldn’t keep him because I was just a little too young and I had no one to help me.” Emery continued, glaring at Christian as she said it while gently slipping Severus’s pacifier back in his mouth. “But my dear friend Eileen Prince, your mother, was getting married to Tobias Snape, your father. So, I asked her if she and your father would take my baby in and raise him. Thankfully, she said yes.”

“An’ wha’ ‘appened to him?” Severus pushed, speaking around his pacifier.

“Well, Tobias was very mean and hurt her and my baby. But then one day, my baby was accepted into Hogwarts and his mother made sure he could go, even the Headmaster helped to make sure he went. But this made Tobias very angry with Eileen and he hurt her so bad that she died.” Emery finished. “Now, the little boy, who’s eleven years old, is learning about his real family.”

Christian rolled his eyes at the round-about Emery took and how she practically told him like he was barely six years old. Severus was silent for a couple minutes while he thought about what she had said. Suddenly, it struck him, he knew who her baby was.

“Me?!” Severus questioned.

“Yes, baby. Eileen gave you the name Severus because I had planned to make it part of your name. I thought I couldn’t have kept you, especially since your father didn’t-”

“Couldn’t!” Christian interjected defensively.

“Okay, whatever, _couldn’t_ stay with me to help take care of you. On top of that, Papa and Madam Pomfrey convinced me that keeping you was the worst thing I could do for you.” Emery finished.

Severus laid there for a few minutes, trying to sort out his feelings. This nice woman would never have hurt him but she left him with her friend and her friend’s husband? He was abused only because she was told she couldn’t keep him and now she wanted to try to undo all the hurt and damage that had happened. Severus couldn’t bring himself to be angry at her yet. He was too relieved that he wasn’t all alone like he had originally thought. Though he was still sad that he missed all that time with his real mother and father- even though his father was apparently royalty and therefore always away in Scotland while his mother had her home in England. The overwhelming emotions of all these new discoveries left him bawling like a newborn while Emery held him.

“Is he alright?” Christian inquired in his soft, deep voice that reminded Emery of a warm marshmallow (she never liked ones that were actually toasted when it came to the food, just warm enough to be gooey on the inside which is what his voice emulated to her).

“He’s just in shock and overwhelmed having learned all this and I can practically promise you he’ll be very angry and hate us for a while in the near future.” Emery explained, before turning attention back to her baby boy. “Baby, can daddy hold you?”

Christian looked panicked as she suggested the interaction and terrified when the little boy turned around, sniffling with his pacifier back in his mouth and reaching for him. Emery gave him a warning look that told him to behave and cooperate, which he did as he awkwardly took the babyish tween in his arms.

“Christian, comfort him. You’re his father, it’s the least you can do after all these years.” Emery hissed through her teeth.

“I’m trying- it’s not the same as when you were cutting. I don’t know how to make him stop crying like I did with you!” Christian defended, rubbing the child’s back as a pungent odor assaulted his nose- a smell that he realized was coming from his son. “I think he needs a bath…”

“He just needs his pants changed.” Emery sighed, laying the boy on his back on the bed and slipping his pacifier in his mouth. “It’s okay, baby. Mama’s gonna change your pants.”

“Change his pants?” Christian asked, hoping it didn’t mean what he thought it meant.

“Yes, Chris, change his pants. He has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and he’s been exposed to Intimate Partner Violence, so when he gets especially scared or upset, he has an accident. Therefore, under the always so freaking lovely Poppy’s so astute advice, Albus and I have been putting him in training pants all day and night. Unfortunately, he’s relapsing from his progress now that he’s under a new load of stress and emotional turmoil.” Emery testily explained, quickly but gently changing the child’s training pants as he calmed down and took to listening to what his birth mother was saying, rather curious. “So try to show some understanding.”

“That’s bad…” Christian commented, at a loss for words while she put their son back in the footie pajamas and zipped them up.

“Of course it is, Claucher. Though he’s very short for his age for the time being, there is no mistaking that he is an eleven year old with the emotional maturity of a child ten years younger than him.” Emery explained, taking Severus in her arms like a much younger child and swaying as she kept one hand under his bum and the other habitually supporting his head since the last time she had held him was when Christian was with her, he was an infant.

Christian looked pissed as he got up and came around the bed towards her, but he paused, closing his eyes, and took a breath. When he opened them, he looked like the same man that told her that one day, they would have kids, but at the time, they were only looking to be together in every possible way. His eyes reminded her of dark chocolate melting and the spark in them was a flame that kept that dark chocolate melting for all time. He leaned in and kissed her the same way that he had the night they created Severus, both sets of eyes closing in nostalgia and indulgence.

“Don’t take this out on me. It’s not your fault and it’s not mine either that he ended up going through hell… Neither of us knew that Tobias would do what he did to Eileen and Severus.” Christian told her after they both opened their eyes again. “Let’s just figure out what we’re doing here and now.”

“Well, first thing’s first.” Emery stated, a mischievous gleam in her eyes as she half-smiled before half-tossing, half-laying her son on the bed and started tickling him. “My poor baby boy needs a good giggle and a big smile!”

“Count me in.” Christian smirked, seeing the spark of his former love coming back to her as he joined the tickle fight.

“Where’s my baby, huh? Where’s that smile?” Emery teased, kissing Severus’s cheek after each question as she tickled him relentlessly while he giggled like mad.

“You better show your Mama that smile, son! She won’t quit until you do!” Christian mock warned, chuckling at his squirming son while he tickled the young boy’s feet.

After a couple minutes of tickling, Emery and Christian both stopped and they all laid with their feet dangling off the edge of the bed, panting from all the laughter.

“Okay, now that we’ve all had lots of smiles and giggles,” Emery started, kissing Severus’s cheek before getting up and resituating him in the middle of the bed to lay the right way as she started tucking him in. “It’s bedtime, baby boy. Should Mommy and Daddy sing you to sleep?”

Severus nodded and opened his mouth for his pacifier. To her surprise, Christian beat Emery to it as he gently slipped it into his son’s mouth. At that gesture of affection, Severus made a sound that reminded Emery of the way he used to coo at her when she would pick him up as an infant.

“Well, Daddy, what should we sing for our baby boy?” Emery questioned, a softness to her voice that he hadn’t heard since she held Severus for the first time after he was born.

Christian thought carefully. He wanted the song to mean something to all of them and after a minute or two of thorough consideration, he spoke.

“Lullaby by Nickelback.” He answered, seeing the look on her face as Severus looked on.

The child was astonished and felt so loved and safe. For the first time in his life that he could actually remember, he had a mother and father that loved each other and loved him, who made their first priority to make sure he was okay. He couldn’t believe that his recently deemed Papa had sided with the harsh healer, Madam Pomfrey, and destroyed his happy little family. Severus realized that Emery and Christian would have struggled a lot to make it work, but he just knew that every one of them regretted missing the chance to have that family.

“The song you used to sing to me when I would hurt myself or feel like I wanted to…” Emery said in a soft voice.

“I think, despite our moment of happiness, all of us are hurting and as your man and his father, it’s kinda my job to try and make it all better.” Christian added, caressing her face before nodding his head to signal for them both to climb onto the bed on either side of their little boy.

Emery nodded in agreement as they both climbed on the bed and laid on either side of their little boy.

“I know the feeling  
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge  
And there ain't no healing  
From cuttin' yourself with the jagged edge..” Emery sang, remembering the resonance the beginning had for her.

“I'm tellin' you that it's never that bad  
And take it from someone who's been where you’re at  
You're laid out on the floor and you're not sure  
You can take this anymore.” Christian continued, his voice every bit as soothing and loving as hers.

“So just give it one more try  
With a lullaby  
And turn this up on the radio  
If you can hear me now  
I'm reachin' out to let you know  
That you're not alone

And you can't tell, I'm scared as hell  
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone  
So just close your eyes  
Well honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby…” They sang together for the first time in ten years.

“Please let me take you  
Out of the darkness and into the light  
'Cause I have faith in you  
That you're gonna make it through another night.” Christian moved on, his voice filled with a soft passion.

“Stop thinkin' about the easy way out  
There's no need to go and blow the candle out  
Because you're not done, you're far too young  
And the best is yet to come…” Emery took over, running her fingers through Severus’s hair as he yawned.

“So just give it one more try  
With a lullaby  
And turn this up on the radio  
If you can hear me now  
I'm reachin' out to let you know  
That you're not alone

And you can't tell, I'm scared as hell  
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone  
So just close your eyes  
Well honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby

Well everybody's hit the bottom  
And everybody's been forgotten  
Well everybody's tired of being alone  
Yeah everybody's been abandoned  
And left a little empty handed  
So if you're out there barely hangin', on

Just give it one more try  
With a lullaby  
And turn this up on the radio  
If you can hear me now  
I'm reachin' out to let you know  
That you're not alone

And you can't tell, I'm scared as hell  
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone  
So just close your eyes  
Well honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby  
Well honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby.” They sang in unison, feeling in harmony more than they ever had before as a few tears raced down Emery’s cheek while Severus slept soundly, still sucking on his pacifier.

Emery nodded towards the door after dimming the lamp on the nightstand and followed him out to the loveseat next to the hearth. Instead of sitting next to him like most sane adults would have done, she climbed right on his lap, straddling it, and wrapped her arms around his neck while he wrapped his arms around her neck. The last time he had held her shaking form had been right after she had surrendered her one year old son to her best friend and the man that eventually ended that same woman’s life. She had grown distant from him before he ultimately went back home. Albus had brought him to her then too. If it weren’t for the Headmaster of Hogwarts, he never would have even known what she had done or that she was trying to kill herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Christian states, the song they sing to Severus in this chapter is "lullaby" by Nickelback.


	8. Answers and Second Chances

**_“Waiting for your call, I'm sick Call, I'm angry Call, I'm desperate for your voice Listening to the song we used to sing in the car Do you remember, Butterfly, Early Summer It's playing on repeat Just like when we would meet, like when we would meet I was born to tell you I love you, And I am torn to do what I have to, To make you mine Stay with me tonight…” Secondhand Serenade “Your Call”_ **

“I missed you…” She cried quietly into his ear, her hot breath damp and shaky.

 “I missed you too, Kitten…” He said simply, feeling his own eyes sting with salty moisture as his feelings started gnawing at him. “I’m sorry I didn’t stick around after you gave him to Eileen… I’ve felt awful about it ever since but I couldn’t feel what you felt because I didn’t think I wanted him…”

“I don’t fucking care about that now...” Emery sniffled, pulling back and wiping her face with a tissue from the box on the end table next to them. “You came before I did anything stupid and pulled me out of it all over again even though I was a bitch to you at the funeral.”

“You were hurting and it’s always been the one thing I’ve done right for you, helping you feel better.” Christian sniffled, hating that he was crumbling when he was trying to support her.

“Stop fighting it… Let the tears fall, Chris… It’s how I know you’ve changed and that you might actually stay this time...” Emery encouraged, noticing the conflict showing in his eyes. “We fucked up… He got hurt because we fucked up…”

“Is that why you got a bunch of piercings and tattoos? Because you fucked up but knew that I would kick your sorry ass if nothing else when I would find out you’d been hurting yourself again?” Christian pressed.

“I got these tattoos to remind me to stop doing things I’ll regret later.” Emery explained. “As for the piercings, I’d always wanted them so I got them.”

After searching her eyes, he realized she was telling the truth. At that point, he said screw it and let himself cry as he held her closer, his arms tightening around her thin and fragile frame as if she were cracked and broken and needed to be held to keep herself together. Meanwhile, Albus Dumbledore sat in Madam Pomfrey’s office. He had just explained to her that he was currently trying to reunite the Chase-Claucher family, but felt that something was missing.

“Albus, what is it?” Poppy questioned, recognizing the gleam in his eye that usually meant he was going to do something that he would normally never agree with.

“I was just thinking… Ms. Chase and Mr. Claucher were getting along wonderfully with Severus before I left. The child had indeed taken the truth well, he’s very strong, but I can’t help but feel it would be better for them all to have the time that they missed with each other.” Albus explained, his famous smile lighting up his face. “Perhaps a little déjà vu is in order.”

“Please tell me you aren’t going to have me side with you and suggest that we have the child pretend he’s an infant in order to help them become a natural family.” Poppy frowned, crossing her arms over her chest from behind her desk.

“Oh, no, Poppy, that would be utter humiliation. No, I was thinking about letting the child go back to being a normal first year for the remainder of the school year.” Albus assured her, looking dismissive.

“Albus… I know that’s not all you’re planning so you may as well spit it out.” Poppy pressed, displeased with his lack of forth-coming.

“Well, Poppy, I was just thinking that perhaps we could put the youthening spell to even better use than we have thus far. Plus, it will help us test out the aging potion that our wonderful Potions Master has brewed for us.” Albus admitted with a rather coy smile as he popped a lemon drop in his mouth and offered one to her, which she shook her head to.

“Albus, I cannot understand you. First, you encourage the girl to find comfort in her peers. Then you scold her for getting pregnant by the boy who kept her alive, show her an extreme amount of love and care until she gives birth, scolding her again once the child is born, but allow her to keep the baby for a year since she is brilliant and excellent at multi-tasking, and finally you convince me to side with you on tearing her imperfect little family apart, which I do and the girl tries kill herself. After all that, you find her boyfriend and lover and bring him, a Muggle, to Hogwarts to talk her out of killing herself.” Poppy recounted, completely astonished at his bipolar tendencies. “And now, when she is starting to fall apart again, you want to use a spell- one that has never been used on a human before- to turn back the clock and allow that poor girl to re-raise her son with her boyfriend or fiancée or whatever he is to her now?”

“Precisely, Poppy, I am so glad you understand.” Albus grinned, getting up to leave.

“I never agreed to this! The poor girl already hates me because she thinks it was all my idea to ruin her little family with the prince of Scotland, for Merlin’s sake!” Poppy shouted, standing up and gesturing wildly in her confused frustration. “Now you want me to spell her son back to infancy and claim that it was all me and I was wrong?”

“I think it would be best. After all, you’ve played the part so well all these years.” Albus confirmed, standing in the doorway.

“Playing a part? You think that whenever I gave her tough love and brutal honesty that I was playing a part you put me in?” Poppy demanded, at a loss for words.

“Well, yes. I did put you in such a position that you yourself ultimately chose to take on the part. And I think we all can agree that it is the best thing for them to have a second chance to be a true family.”

“I won’t do it. It was all your idea, so you fix it.” Poppy stubbornly refused, ignoring his point.

“Well, I suppose Professor Slughorn would happy enough to take over. After all, he is Severus’s Potions Master. He’ll have easier access anyhow.” Albus submitted, mostly to make the healer feel as if she were all too replaceable for the self-imposed mission.

“What? You can’t trust the child’s psychological and physical well-being to that- that- that git!” Poppy protested.

“Oh, but I can if I don’t have my healer to tend to such things.” Albus disagreed, a devious smirk on his face.

“Oh, fine, you win, Albus! I’ll do it, but I’m telling her tonight.” Poppy sighed in aggravation.

“I wouldn’t tonight, Poppy. I do believe that Emery and Christian are reconnecting on a more intimate level.” Albus advised.

“And you’re going back to your chambers, where you’re letting them do such a thing- and likely without protection?!” Poppy shrieked in anger and horror, thinking that they wouldn’t need to spell Severus back to infancy if the girl got pregnant again.

Back in the Headmaster’s chambers, the story was a little different. Emery and Christian had gone back to bed some time ago. After a few kisses and sweet words, both had found themselves to be rather worn down. They had entered back in the room and slipped into bed, but Christian tried once more to propose in his own way by slipping the ring he had gotten her on her left ring finger above the one he had given her years ago, a sapphire encircled by Celtic knots, with the point of the heart facing her to symbolize she was taken. Once that was done, Christian had stripped to his undershirt and boxers before climbing into bed with Emery, both encircling their young-hearted yet old-minded son. At that point, Dumbledore had returned, chuckling quietly to himself as he slipped into his own room and retired for the night. After the three who were late to bed had been asleep for a couple of hours, Severus woke with a start and warm, wet sensation in his training pants as he started crying. As soon as he awoke, Emery had nearly jolted upright and taken him in her arms while Christian turned the lamp on and put an arm around the pair.

“Baby, shhh, what’s the matter?” Emery asked, still groggy from falling asleep as she rocked him back and forth.

“I had a nightmare that you and daddy killed each other and I had no one left so I kept hurting myself until I couldn’t anymore because I died!” Severus sobbed, gratefully accepting his pacifier when Christian held it up to his lips.

“It’s okay, Sev, it was only a bad dream, see? We’re all okay and we’re all right here.” Christian soothed.

“Love, he needs his pants changed.” Emery told her fiancée. “Can you grab a pair of his training pants from the wardrobe there?”

“Yeah, sure.” He affirmed, kissing her cheek and doing as told until he found that they were out of training pants. “Kitten, there’s none left.”

“Ah, jeez!” She sighed in exasperation. “We’ll have to go to the hospital wing and get more.”

“How are we supposed to get there with a crying child and paintings that are alive and like to gossip without our son ending up as the laughing stock of the school?” Christian asked, remembering that it was hard enough when Dumbledore had him escort Emery to the hospital wing when she was in labor at two in the morning.

“We can apparate now. I’m of age and Severus can’t be harmed because he isn’t a fragile fetus anymore.” Emery answered, getting out of bed with Severus in her arms.

Christian wrapped his arms around them and before he could ask how apparating worked, they were in the hospital wing and banging on Poppy’s office door. They heard her stumbling and presumably swearing before her light came on and she opened the door, shocked to see Emery bouncing a crying Severus in footie pajamas with a pacifier in his mouth in her arms and Christian with his arms wrapped around them.

“What is the meaning of this?” Poppy Pomfrey demanded, her eyes cloudy with sleep but her voice full of her usual frustration.

“We don’t have any more pairs of training pants for Severus and he just had an accident.” Emery answered, not paying any mind to the woman’s grumblings.

“There aren’t any left. We didn’t keep that many here in the first place. All we have left are the diapers we had ordered when you and some of the other girls were pregnant, but were never used because half of the others terminated their pregnancies, some dropped out and went to stay with their spouses or parents and then there was you and two others left. All three of you ended up giving your babies up for adoption so that’s all we have. I ordered more training pants as a precaution but they won’t be here until next month.” Poppy explained defensively.

“What do you think, Chris?” Emery asked, looking up at him with tired and defeated blue-grey eyes.

“Well, I think those will have to do for now, but that’s just my opinion. I mean, they’re not that different.” Christian answered.

“Okay, Poppy, we’ll just take a couple packs of the diapers for the time being until I can get back to either Diagon Alley or London at a reasonable hour.” Emery submitted.

After a minute or two, Poppy came back with a couple packs of diapers and handed them to Christian.

“Thank you, Poppy.” She told her, looking drained.

“Don’t thank me yet, Emmie.” Poppy warned before going back to bed.

Emery was about to ask why when she realized that she didn’t care enough since she still had to change Severus before he got a rash. She’d probably have to bathe him when she got back to their room and adjoined bathroom. Emery shook her head and looked to make sure Christian had grabbed ahold and apparated the group back to Dumbledore’s chambers.

“I’m going to give Severus a bath.” Emery informed her less exhausted spouse. “You can help if you’d like.”

Christian nodded, following her into the decently sized bathroom. He started a warm bath for their son while she got him out of his pajamas and soaked training pants, throwing the latter away. She unhooked his pacifier from the leash that attached it to the pajamas and left the soother in her son’s mouth as she hoisted him into the bathtub and gently set him in the water. Emery and Christian made quick work of the bath and managed to get Severus in better spirits as they gently splashed him and generally kept him distracted with fun stories and jokes. Finally, Christian wrapped Severus in a towel and carried him back to the bedroom, laying him on the bed while Emery grabbed the little one’s pajamas and a diaper from one of the unopened packs.

“Sevie, baby, Mama’s gonna have you in diapers for a while until we can get you some more training pants, okay?” Emery informed, to which Severus frowned from behind his pacifier but nodded all the same. “That’s my brave boy.”

Emery slid the diaper under him, pulled the front up in between his legs and fastened it in place, blowing kisses on his stomach like she used to do when he was a baby.

“That’s not so bad, is it, Sev?” Christian asked the boy, sitting on the edge of the bed. “They don’t feel very different, do they?”

Severus blushed and shook his head.

“What’s with the blush, Sev?” His father asked, curious about the child’s reaction.

“Feels like being your baby… and it’s actually kinda comfier…” Severus explained around his pacifier.

“You are our baby, silly. And as for the comfier part, I’ll believe it. Babies have much more delicate skin- and bodies in general. So there’s no doubt that the diaper feels better than your training pants.” Emery responded, kissing Severus’s cheek.

Emery then went to put Severus’s footie pajamas back on, but was pleasantly surprised when Christian insisted on doing it. The man never ceased to amaze her as she watched him treat Severus as if he were the most delicate being in existence- aside from the moments when he would ‘accidentally’ tickle the child- before zipping the pajamas up, reattaching the pacifier and holding their son like a toddler, kissing Severus’s cheek all the while.

“Chris, you better stop. You’re being too attractive.” Emery teased as they all curled up in bed together, making sure Severus was tucked in between the two ‘lovebirds.’

“Oh, hush and let’s get the little guy back to sleep.” Christian dismissed, kissing her cheek while Severus giggled and smiled at them.

“I think the universe is on my side  
Heaven and Earth have finally aligned  
Days are good and that's they way it should be

You sprinkle star dust on my pillow case  
It's like a moon beam brushed across my face  
Nights are good and that's the way it should be

You make me sing ooh la la laa  
You make a girl go ooh ooh  
I'm in love, love…” Emery sang, seeing the recognition in Christian’s eyes- it was the first song she ever sang for him.

“Did you see that shooting star tonight?  
Were you dazzled by the same constellation?  
Did you and Jupiter conspire to get me?  
I think you and the Moon and Neptune got it right  
'Cause now I'm shining bright, so bright  
Bright, so bright…” Christian and Emery sang together.

“And I see colors in a different way  
You make what doesn't matter fade to grey  
Life is good and that's the way it should be

You make me sing ooh la la laa  
You make a girl go ooh ooh  
I'm in love, love…” Emery continued, her voice a little softer and warmer before she paused to kiss Severus’s forehead as he started nodding off.

“Did you see that shooting star tonight?  
Were you dazzled by the same constellation?  
Did you and Jupiter conspire to get me?  
I think you and the Moon and Neptune got it right  
'Cause now I'm shining bright (ooh) so bright  
And I get lost in your eyes

Did you see that shooting star tonight?  
Were you dazzled by the same constellation?  
Did you and Jupiter conspire to get me?  
I think you and the Moon and Neptune got it right  
I think you and the Moon and Neptune got it right  
I think you and the Moon and Neptune got it right  
'Cause now I'm shining bright, so bright  
Bright, so bright  
Bright, so bright  
And I get lost in your eyes tonight…” They finished together perfect harmony, noting their son was fully asleep.

“I love you, Kitten.” Christian whispered, kissing her before turning out the light.

“I love you too, Hooman.” She responded, giving him the old spark back as she used the pet name from when they were still young and untroubled by the decisions of parenthood.

They soon both fell asleep for the second time that night, both feeling more at peace than they ever had in the past ten years.

 **** _“Regrets collect like old friends_  
Here to relive your darkest moments  
I can see no way, I can see no way  
And all of the ghouls come out to play

 **** _And every demon wants his pound of flesh_  
But I like to keep some things to myself  
I like to keep my issues strong  
It's always darkest before the dawn

 **** _And I've been a fool and I've been blind_  
I can never leave the past behind  
I can see no way, I can see no way  
I'm always dragging that horse around

 **** _Our love is pastured such a mournful sound_  
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground  
So I like to keep my issues strong  
But it's always darkest before the dawn

**_Shake it out, shake it out…”- Florence and the Machine, “Shake It Out”_ **


End file.
